Épisode Jackie tourne la page S02E22 - That '70s Show Saison 2

Sous-sol des Forman

Toute la bande est là, sauf Jackie. Kelso veut faire deviner quelle partie de son corps il a surnommé « Pink Floyd ». Mais Donna préfère ne pas savoir et parle de Jackie, qui ne va pas très bien. Kelso est ravi et Hyde lui rappelle qu'il a pleuré pendant une semaine. Fez demande à son ami s'il peut tenter sa chance avec elle mais personne ne trouve que ce soit une bonne idée, car Jackie est trop vulnérable. Kelso est surpris de voir que tout le monde semble apprécier son ancienne petite amie, à part Éric. Fez insiste et veut cependant essayer, rien ne l'arrêtera.

Il s'imagine alors en Bruce Lee, combattant des ninjas pour atteindre Jackie. Kelso finit par lui donner son approbation même s'il sait qu'elle refusera car Fez est étranger.

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty refuse de donner 15$ à sa fille afin qu'elle puisse s'acheter des rouleaux et se faire des boucles. Éric finit par vanner sa sœur et s'ensuit une bataille de piques à laquelle Laurie perd. Du coup, elle veut se venger. Red arrive et cesse leur chamaillerie, puis il annonce à sa femme qu'il a réservé une table dans un restaurant français pour deux. Kitty est ravie mais semble embarrassée lorsque son mari lui demande de porter le collier que sa belle-mère lui a donné. Une fois Éric et Red partis, Kitty avoue à sa fille qu'elle n'a plus le collier. Mais lorsque Laurie veut en savoir plus, Kitty la menace de lui trouver un petit boulot.

Chambre de Fez

Fez se « briefe » avant d'appeler Jackie, il a même préparé une petit pense-bête. Jackie, allongée dans le noir dans sa chambre, lui répond. Elle accepte de sortir avec lui sans savoir au départ qui il est puis demande ensuite des nouvelles de Michael. Lorsque Fez lui apprend qu'il va très bien, elle rétorque que c'est le cas pour elle aussi et se résigne à sortir avec Fez.

Salon des Forman

Kitty et Red sont fins prêts à partir. Kitty essaie de meubler pour que son mari ne voit pas qu'elle n'a plus le collier et ils s'en vont.

Cuisine des Forman

Hyde et Laurie ont fini de dîner et se lancent des piques. Une fois de plus, Laurie perd et fait une remarque pas très drôle sur les cheveux de Hyde. Le jeune homme sent qu'elle n'est pas en forme et elle confirme, lui rapportant qu'elle a également perdu, ce qui est totalement pathétique. Éric arrive et veut savoir ce que sa sœur a raconté sur lui. Il fait la même remarque à Laurie sur ses cheveux ; cette dernière et Hyde éclatent de rire.

Restaurant

Pendant que Fez essaie de charmer Jackie et de se montrer galant, Jackie se goinfre alors que la nourriture est très chère. Fez finit par être dégoûté car elle a de la salade entre les dents.

Sous-sol des Forman

Plus tard, Fez a rejoint les garçons et ils jouent aux cartes. Il raconte que ça ne s'est pas très bien passé, ce qui plaît à Kelso. Éric questionne Hyde pour savoir ce que Laurie lui a dit mais Hyde prétend qu'elle n'a rien dit avant de promettre à Kelso de tout lui dire plus tard. Éric en a plus qu'assez et finit par révéler quelque chose lui-même, pensant que sa sœur a parlé du fait qu'il faisait pipi au lit en colonie, se faisant appeler « Dr. Pipi ». Kelso est hilare alors Éric révèle que Kelso a eu quelques problèmes de transit.

Cuisine des Forman

Éric fait ses devoirs lorsque ses parents rentrent. Kitty semble agacée car Red ne lâche pas l'affaire sur le collier et veut savoir ce qu'il est devenu. Sa femme lui avoue alors qu'elle l'a vendu contre de l'argent afin de faire les courses. Red préfère quitter la pièce. Éric essaie de réconforter sa mère, lui faisant comprendre que ce n'est pas si grave vu ce que sa sœur lui a fait. Mais Kitty pense que cette histoire de « Dr. Pipi » n'est pas dramatique, elle en a d'ailleurs parlé à beaucoup de monde.

Allée des Forman

Jackie parle de Kelso à Donna et n'arrête pas de manger. Donna lui fait alors remarquer qu'elle va devenir grosse si elle continue. Jackie s'imagine alors mangeant des tartes à la myrtille et grossissant à vue d'oeil et devenant toute bleue comme Violette dans « Charlie et la chocolaterie ». Donna est d'ailleurs obligée de la faire rouler.

Revenue dans la réalité, elle demande à Donna un peu plus de temps mais son amie finit par lui faire comprendre qu'elle doit arrêter de manger.

Sous-sol des Forman

Éric confronte Laurie devant Fez et Hyde. Le frère et la sœur finissent par révéler leurs petits secrets inavouables jusqu'à ce que Éric lâche une bombe : Laurie est née avec une queue ! Cette dernière s'en va en courant et pleurant.

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty s'excuse auprès de son mari, qui le prend plutôt bien. Elle sent que quelque chose ne colle pas, Red révèle alors qu'il a vendu une montre-gousset que lui avait donné son beau-père pour avoir de l'argent, tout comme d'autres choses dont un souffleur à neige qui appartient à Bob. Kitty se demande alors comment il peut lui en vouloir, Red explique que c'est à lui de subvenir aux besoins de son foyer et de vendre des choses, pas à elle. Il se sent incapable. Les deux se réconcilient.

Allée des Forman

Hyde dit à Kelso pour Laurie et Éric commence à se sentir coupable. Jackie rejoint les garçons et souhaite parler à Fez. Elle s'excuse pour son attitude lors du dîner et lui dit qu'il est un bon ami. Fez révèle qu'il voudrait être plus que des amis et Jackie lui fait comprendre que c'est bien d'espérer et de rester libre. Fez lui fait promettre la même chose et lui vole un baiser. Kelso lui court après pour le frapper.

Sous-sol des Forman

Éric fait une petite sieste lorsque Laurie descend avec une bassine d'eau et plonge la main de son frère dedans pour qu'il fasse pipi.

Fairgirl

FORMAN BASEMENT
Kelso and Fez are in the basement, Eric and Donna come in
 
KELSO: Hey you guys, guess what part of my body I nicknamed Pink Floyd!
 
DONNA: Shut up!
 
KELSO: Jackie thought it was cute.
 
ERIC: Well Jackie is not here anymore.
 
DONNA: I was over at Jackie's this morning, she's so down, it's really depressing.
 
KELSO: She's taking the brake-up pretty hard huh. Cool!
 
HYDE (comes in): Shut up man, you cried like a baby.
 
KELSO: Wow! I did not cry. I had something in my eye.
 
HYDE: For a week?
 
KELSO: I have allergies allright (they all look at him) Is it so wrong to feel?!
 
DONNA: Anyway, Jackie is like in really bad shape.
 
FEZ: So Kelso, now that you and Jackie are no longer an 'item', uhm, I can ask her out right?
 
KELSO: What? No! Since when do you like Jackie?
 
DONNA: Yeah Fez, I don't think that's a good idea.
 
HYDE: Yeah Fez man, that's a bad idea, Jackie's on the rebound right now. Why don't you just give her a break.
 
KELSO: What?! Since when did YOU like Jackie? Allright does everybody here now like Jackie?!
ERIC (putting his hand up): I still don't.
 
KELSO: Thank you Eric.
 
DONNA: Fez, Hyde was saying that Jackie is really vulnerable right now.
 
FEZ: Yes! So I must move fast before she gets her self-esteem back!
 
KELSO: Yeah, can't blame her for being down, after all, I did dump her.
 
ERIC: Actually, she dumped you.
 
KELSO: Hey, I don't like to get into specifics.
 
FEZ: Oh go turn around the mountain. Nothing will stop me from asking Jackie out on a date. Not even....Ninja's!
 
Fez starts to daydream. He is outside in an alley, dressed in a black pair of trousers and no top like Bruce Lee, when a bunch of Ninja's show up
 
FEZ (dubbed out of sync): Stand back! I want Jackie and no-one will stop ME!
 
NINJA-MASTER (also dubbed out of sync): Hahahahaha! You cannot have Jackie! I will disable you with my cat-like swiftness!
 
FEZ: Oh Yeah?!
 
NINJA-MASTER: Yeah! 
 
FEZ: Oh Yeah?!
 
NINJA-MASTER: Yeah! (pulls his arm out on which he has a lot of blades instead of a hand)
 
FEZ: Oh!
 
He starts to fight the Ninja's, while making fight-sounds: Whoooooo! YAHHH! Then he takes on the master with some fighting sticks. The Ninja-Master scarrs his chest with his blade-hand. Fez tasts his own blood, and then makes turtle soup out of the Ninja-Master.
 
KELSO: Fez? Go ahead Fez. Ask Jackie out. She won't go, cause you're foreign. But go ahead and ask.
 
FEZ: You're damn right I will! (he makes a fighting noise, Kelso looks at him, weirded out)
 
OPENING CREDITS
FORMAN KITCHEN
Kitty is standing at the sink, Laurie is going through Kitty's purse
 
KITTY (takes her purse from Laurie): No Laurie, I'm not giving you 15 dollars for new hot rollers! Straight hair is not the end of the world.
 
ERIC: Actually Mom, Lauries world is a lot smaller and much more shallow then the average person's.
 
LAURIE: Come on Mom, curls are important for my self-esteem!
 
ERIC: Oh, you know what else might be good for your self-esteem? Not being the village whore.
 
LAURIE: Are you trying to start something with me little boy?! Because while you have to go to work, all I have to do is sit around and think of ways to hurt you.
 
ERIC: Oh I don't know, as village whore I think your day's all full-up!
 
LAURIE: Shut up!
 
ERIC: Ha! I win!
 
RED (coming in): You're both wrong, so can it!
 
LAURIE (whispering): You're dead!
 
ERIC (whispering back): Oehh I'm so scared!
 
RED: Kitty, remember that little French restaurant down town?
 
KITTY: Frenchies?
 
RED: The one and only! I made reservations for tonight, Forman party of two
 
KITTY: Well now this is so spontanious of you Red. You haven't been reading my Cosmo have you?
 
RED: Come on Kitty, we'll get all dressed up, you can even wear my mother's necklace!
 
KITTY: Oh, the necklace...yayyy...
 
RED: Come on Eric, we're gonna be late.
 
ERIC: Bye Mom.
 
KITTY: Bye honey! (she looks upset) Oh this is awful.
 
LAURIE: Come on Mom, French food is not that bad. Just order pommes-frites. They're french fries you know.
 
KITTY: No honey, the necklace. I don't have it anymore.
 
LAURIE: Really? What did you do with it?
 
KITTY: Nothing. I said nothing.
 
LAURIE: Mom did you gamble the necklace away?!
 
KITTY: Okay stop it Laurie, I'll make you get a job.
 
LAURIE: Bye! (runs out)
 
FEZ' BEDROOM
Fez is sitting on his bed with a telephone in front of him
 
FEZ (in his mind): Okay Fez, asking Jackie out is a big opportunity for you. And if she says no, don't cry. Just be witty and polite (he picks up a piece of paper) Stick to the script. But most importantly speak slowly and e-nun-ci-ate.
 
He picks up the phone and dials Jackie's number. Cut to Jackie's room, which is dark with candles and gloomy music
 
JACKIE: Hello?
 
FEZ (reading of a piece of paper and talking kinda fast): Hello Jackie, how are you doing today? I'm fine nice weather today huh. Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?
 
JACKIE: Okay (Fez starts to smile) Wait, who is this?
 
FEZ: It's me, Fez.
 
JACKIE: Oh. Okay.
 
FEZ: I just thought, since you and Kelso are no longer dating...
 
JACKIE: How is Michael doing?
 
FEZ: Uhh fine I guess. Actually he seems dumber.
 
JACKIE: Well you know what, that's great. Cause I'm doing fine too. Just fine.
 
FEZ: Well, if you are fine, then I am dandy. You and me: fine and dandy! (silence) Did you hang up?
 
JACKIE (checking her nails): No.
 
FEZ: Pick you up at eight?
 
JACKIE: Fine.
 
FEZ: Dandy! (he puts the phone down)
 
FORMAN LIVING ROOM
Red is standing by the bar, Kitty comes down the stairs
 
KITTY: Okay, I'm all ready so let's go.
 
RED: Wow, you look great!
 
KITTY: And you look sharp yourself, soooo let's go!
 
RED: Hey, weren't you going to wear my mother's necklace?
 
KITTY: Here it is (she pulls something from her sweater then puts it back again so fast Red can't see it) I tuck it in so I won't lose it. So, let's hit the road! (she slips into her coat)
 
RED: Well you know, that didn't really look like the one that she gave you.
 
KITTY: Sure it does, it looks just like it, cause it is it! Ahahahaha! Now look who is getting old, doesn't even remember what necklace his mother gave me! So let's move it out! (they leave)
 
FORMAN KITCHEN
Hyde and Laurie are having dinner
 
HYDE: Boy Laurie, you really like that hotdog! You didn't even chew it.
 
LAURIE: Oh hey Hyde, Father's Day is coming up, shouldn't you practice saying: Hi are you my Daddy?
 
HYDE: Oh, by the way Laurie, the surgeon-general called, he wants you to stop hoarding all the penicillin.
 
LAURIE: You know, when you're in prison, your bad table manners will probably just be a turn on for some guy named Tank.
 
HYDE: Oh maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit, you can ask him to take it easy on me.
 
LAURIE: Oh yeah well...NICE HAIR!
 
HYDE: Oh Laurie, are you all out of put-downs?
 
LAURIE: Yeah, I'm guessing I'm having an off-day. Even Eric burned me!
 
HYDE: Eric burned you?! You are totally lame.
 
LAURIE: I know, isn't that pathetic? Eric!
 
ERIC (walking in): What about me?
 
LAURIE: Speaking of the spinly-armed devil...
 
ERIC: What's so pathetic?
 
LAURIE: Nothing. At least nothing we can share with you Gomer.
 
ERIC: Oh yeah well, NICE HAIR!
 
Hyde and Laurie laugh racously
 
ERIC: What?!
 
They laugh even harder
 
A RESTAURANT
Fez and Jackie are sitting at a table
 
FEZ: So Jackie, how is your very expensive dinner?
 
JACKIE (really stuffing her face) : It's great. And I'm not replacing Michael with food! Are you gonna finish that? (she takes his plate and starts loading it off on her own plate)
 
FEZ: Oh that's okay. You know this restaurant is very well know for their very expensive dinners. But, for you, it...
JACKIE: Pass the butter!
 
FEZ: Ahhh the butter. That reminds me of an amusing anecdote (he takes out a crib sheet, reads it and puts it away) . Well the other day, I was in the basement...
 
JACKIE (with her mouth full of food) : Was Michael there?
 
FEZ: Yeah. Anyways...
 
JACKIE (still her mouth full): He is SUCH a jerk.
 
FEZ: Yes well anyways, back to my amusing anecdote. Well the other day I was tying my shoe and...
 
JACKIE: HMMM (she slaps the waiter on his hand when he tries to take her plate) I'm not finished! (she takes a bite of bread) Fez, I'm so glad I came out with you tonight!
 
FEZ: Really?
 
JACKIE: Hm I was STARVING! (she smiles at him with a huge piece of spinach between her teet)
 
Fez gestures with his tongue that she has something stuck in her teeth but Jackie continues smiling and talking.
 
FORMAN BASEMENT
Fez, Eric, Hyde and Kelso are playing cards
 
KELSO: So what happened? Did you kiss her? Cause I'll kill you if you kissed her!
 
FEZ: Ah no I didn't wanna kiss her. I wanted to give her a napkin! There was not a moment when she did not have a face full of food. I was disgusted.
 
KELSO: Really? Hey all's forgiven buddy! (he pats Fez on the back and walks off screen)
 
ERIC: Okay fine Hyde. You don't wanna tell me what Laurie said about me? I'm fine with that.
 
HYDE: I'm telling you man, she didn't say anything.
 
ERIC: Aha. Right. Because...I mean that's what Laurie's know for. NOT saying bitchy things.
 
KELSO: Hey Hyde, what did Laurie say about Eric?
 
HYDE: I'll tell you later man, it's so bad! (he laughs) Funny, but bad.
 
ERIC: You got nothing.
 
HYDE: Huh? (looks at Eric, then looks at Fez and Kelso) Yeah yeah, I got nothing...
 
ERIC: Okay, fine...I don't care. She told you about summercamp right? FINE. They called me Dr. PeePee. I couldn't sleep on the top bunk and I was ten. So...you know who cares, I'm dr. PeePee. I'm....dr. PeePee.
 
They all look at him in complete silence, then start to laugh
 
KELSO: Dr. PeePee! You are SO Dr. PeePee!
 
ERIC: Oh really? Big Chief Brownbottom!
 
Hyde and Fez look at Kelso with open mouths
 
KELSO (to Eric): I'm sorry! I'm sorry man! Sorry...I just...everyone shut up (he eats his Popsicle)
 
FORMAN KITCHEN
Eric is doing his homework, Red and Kitty come in
 
ERIC: Hey, how was dinner?
 
KITTY (walking by): Fine. Except your father wouldn't shut up about that stupid necklace.
 
RED: Look Kitty, obviously something's going on here. So why don't you just tell me what it is? Did you lose it?
 
KITTY: No.
 
RED: Did you lend it to somebody?
 
KITTY: No.
 
RED: Then what the hell happened?!
 
KITTY: I hocked it okay, I pawned it, I hocked it.
 
RED: You pawned my dead mother's necklace?
 
KITTY: Yes. And I'm not sorry, cause we got groceries for it. So I'm not sorry, I'm not sorry! And I don't feel bad!
 
Red walks out
 
KITTY: Oh Eric, I feel so bad!
 
ERIC: Mom, you feel bad? Laurie told everyone about dr. PeePee!
 
KITTY: Oh honey that's not so bad. That's cute! Oh please, I have told that story to so many...
 
ERIC: MOM!
 
KITTY: I didn't tell that story to anybody! (she leaves)
 
FORMAN PORCH
Jackie and Donna are sitting on the porch
 
JACKIE (with a bag of jerky in her hand): After I finished putting all my pictures of Michael in my special Michael-box. I realised I'm so totally over him! (she starts to eat)
 
DONNA: You liar! Look at yourself! And if you keep stuffing your face like this, you're gonna get...
 
JACKIE: Don't even dare say it you bitch!
 
DONNA: FAT!
 
JACKIE: No! Nooooo! (she dreams away)
 
JACKIE's DREAM
Jackie is eating a pie, wearing pyjama's. Donna is standing in front of her
 
JACKIE: Yep, I've almost finished my fifth pie and I'm still completely over Michael.
 
DONNA: No. Stop. Wait.
 
JACKIE: Hmmm blueberry! Hm. I'm feeling kinda weird (she starts to grow, just like Violet Beauregard in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and her face turns purple) What is happening to me? Oh goodness! O gracious! Oh my! Hmmmmm!!
 
DONNA: No more pie for you (Donna rolls Jackie to the door) Okay let's go (Jackie makes weird sounds, they get to the door but she is too fat) Suck it in Jackie!
 
FORMAN PORCH
 
JACKIE (still stuffing herself with jerky): My God Donna I'm scared! I have to control myself!
 
DONNA: Okay well then let's start by you handing Donna the jerky (she reaches over)
 
JACKIE (slapping Donna): Back off you amazon! Look, I just need more time.
 
DONNA: Okay you slapping my hand when I tried to take your jerky is something a FAT girl would do.
 
JACKIE: OH! (eats one more bite and then hands Donna the jerky)
 
FORMAN BASEMENT
Laurie is watching TV, Fez is standing by the record player. Eric and Hyde come in
 
ERIC: Okay Laurie, I know what you told Hyde.
 
LAURIE: What are you talking about loser?
 
ERIC: The camp story, dr. PeePee, you're dead!
 
FEZ (to Hyde): What is going on?
 
HYDE: Shh! Pretend it's TV.
 
FEZ: Okay.
 
ERIC: Well I know some pretty horrible things about you too little lady. Fella's, Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows, toes and shoulderblades.
 
LAURIE: In the fifth grade Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kid, cause a girl kicked sand in his face.
 
ERIC: You stuffed in highschool.
 
LAURIE: So did you.
ERIC: Last year Laurie used all of her birthday money to buy a back massager. Which isn't fooling anyone by the way...
 
LAURIE: Well...that's not as bad as when I walked in on you in bed with your Dorothy Hamill poster and you were all...
 
ERIC: LAURIE WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!
 
Fez and Hyde gasp
 
HYDE: What?!
 
ERIC: YEAH. LAURIE WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!
 
LAURIE: I HATE YOU!!! (she runs of crying)
 
Hyde and Fez look really grossed out
 
ERIC: It's true (he makes a tail wagging gestures with his finger)
 
FORMAN KITCHEN
Red is sitting at the counter, Kitty comes in
 
KITTY: Okay Red, I'm very sorry I pawned that necklace.
 
RED: That's okay. I've been thinking about it and it's no big deal. Let's just bygones be bygones. What do you say pretty lady?
 
KITTY (looking very suspicious): What did you do?
 
RED: A few months ago, I pawned the pocketwatch your Dad gave me. So we're even! Let's just get on with our lives.
 
KITTY: Oh Red how could you?
 
RED: Well Kitty. Who the hell needs a damn pocketwatch? "What time is it? I don't know, I'll check my pocket". See what I mean, it's just stupid.
 
KITTY: Oh Red.
 
RD: And I pawned the lawn-mower. And Eric's old phonographplayer and snowblower.
 
KITTY: We had a snowblowet?!
 
RED: Actually it was Bob's.
 
KITTY: Well why did you get so mad at me?
 
RED: I got mad at myself. Look, it's the man's job to support the family. And if he can't do that, it's the man's job to pawn the things to feed the family he can't support!
 
KITTY: Okay. Okay (Red wraps his arm around her) You know, Bob's been looking for that snowblower.
 
RED: Yeah I know Kitty. And believe you me, I'm running out of stories.
 
FORMAN DRIVEWAY
Fez and Eric are shooting some hoops, Hyde and Kelso are talking
 
KELSO: So what you're saying is I slept with the devil?
 
HYDE: Exactly.
 
KELSO: She told me it was a birthmark.
 
HYDE: It IS a birthmark. From where they cut off her tail at birth!
 
ERIC: Guys, I'm actually starting to feel a little bad about this.
 
FEZ: Yeah it is not right to reveal other people's secrets. I'm going to have to agree with dr. PeePee on this one.
 
Jackie comes walking in. She is dressed in pink instead of black
 
JACKIE: Hello boys. And how are you Michael?
 
KELSO: Well not so good, I just got some very disturbing news.
 
JACKIE: Well I hope you're very unhappy. Fez, can I talk to you?
 
FEZ: Yes.
 
JACKIE: Fez I just wanna thank you for last night. I know I wasn't my supercute self, and I'm sorry. But you're a really good friend.
 
FEZ: But Jackie, I was hoping that perhaps we could be more then friends?
 
JACKIE: Well, hope springs eternal Fez... How about you keep worshipping me from afar, and stay available. Just in case.
 
FEZ: You would do that for me? (she nods) That's a sweet deal. Should we kiss on it?
 
JACKIE: Sure! (she leans over to kiss Fez on the cheek but he turns so she touches his mouth)
 
FEZ: Heh!
 
JACKIE: Bye!
 
KELSO: Allright, that's IT! (he runs over to Fez) You're a dead man!
 
Fez jumps into his Bruce Lee fighting position, with the matching sounds and then he runs off, with Kelso behind him
 
The end