Épisode Red exerce son autorité S02E24 - That '70s Show Saison 2

Sous-sol des Forman

Fez savoure une sucette puis craque et finit par la croquer mais il se fait un peu mal aux dents. Red fait irruption dans la pièce et râle après Éric car il n'est pas encore prêt pour aller au travail. Le jeune homme se précipite à sa suite, suivi de Donna. Hyde plaint Éric qui doit travailler avec son père.

Jackie arrive et se retrouve face à Kelso mais l'envoie balader. Fez retente une fois de plus sa chance auprès d'elle, en vain. La jeune fille voudrait voir Donna, Hyde lui indique où elle est et Jackie commence à monter les escaliers. Kelso veut la suivre mais elle lui rappelle en hurlant qu'ils ne sont plus ensemble. Resté avec ses copains, Kelso avoue qu'elle lui manque. Ses copains ne comprennent pas pourquoi, surtout qu'elle passait son temps à l'insulter. Fez se propose de le faire à sa place.

Bureau de Red

Éric range des cartons en sifflotant ce qui agace son père. Red lui donne par la suite des conseils pour qu'il travaille mieux et menace de lui botter les fesses s'il ne les suit pas. Il rappelle ensuite à son fils les tâches qu'il a à faire mais Éric a pris de l'initiative et les a déjà accomplies. Red le complimente et Éric, très supris, prend peur. Earl, un employé, arrive en retard pour la énième fois avec une fausse excuse. Red passe l'éponge mais lui conseille d'être plus sérieux comme Éric. Earl quitte le bureau et Éric fait alors une blague à laquelle son père rit. Éric est choqué.

Allée des Forman

Kelso s'ennuie fermement et accumule les paniers au basket. Donna passe et il la rejoint, lui avouant qu'il est triste en ce moment à cause de Jackie. Mais Donna ne le plaint pas du tout et met les choses au clair ; il doit l'oublier car elle ne reviendra pas.

Sous-sol des Forman

Les garçons font un cercle. Kelso soutient qu'il est ravi de ne plus être avec Jackie, qu'il traite de naine. Fez en rajoute pour se moquer d'elle puis regrette ses propos car il aime bien la jeune fille. Éric raconte à ses amis que Red est complètement différent au travail et qu'il a un autre souffre-douleur que lui, à savoir Earl. Il jubile même de la situation du pauvre employé. Hyde et Kelso lui avouent qu'ils ressentent la même chose lorsque Red lui hurle dessus. Kelso ramène ensuite la conversation à lui et se rend compte que pleins de filles l'attendent. Il est content d'être enfin libre.

Salon des Forman

Kitty répond à la porte et se retrouve nez-à-nez avec Kelso, venu chercher Laurie. Kitty n'en revient pas, tout comme Hyde, qui le regarde, stupéfait. Laurie les rejoint et le couple s'en va. Hyde fait un commentaire sur les bébés stupides qu'ils auront. Kitty éclate de rire mais demande à Hyde de s'abstenir de dire des choses aussi vraies.

Cuisine des Foreman

C'est l'heure du dîner. Éric raconte avec joie sa journée et relate les blagues qu'il a faites à propos de Earl. Red a toujours le sourire aux lèvres en l'écoutant. Hyde veut également faire une blague mais Kitty l'interrompt, sentant venir la blague cochonne.

Sous-sol des Forman

Après son rencard, Kelso a rejoint les autres et a emmené Laurie, ce qui embarrasse tout le monde et Éric demande instamment à sa sœur de partir. Laurie s'exécute et enjoint Kelso à la rejoindre dans sa chambre. La jeune fille partie, la bande pose des questions à Kelso. Personne ne comprend ce qu'il fait avec elle. Kelso assure qu'il l'aime mais personne n'y croit. Laurie vient relancer Kelso, qui quitte la pièce en courant. Hyde fait le même commentaire sur leurs futurs bébés.

Allée des Forman

Donna discute avec Jackie, elle lui explique combien elle est fière de la voir si solide face à sa rupture. Jackie sent quelque chose venir et son amie finit par lui avouer que Kelso sort désormais officiellement avec Laurie. Mais pour lui remonter le moral, elle lui apprend que Laurie le fait encore plus souffrir.

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty voudrait dire quelques mots à Laurie. Parallèlement, Hyde fait de même avec Kelso au sous-sol. Chacun essaie de faire comprendre à son interlocuteur que cette liaison n'est pas une bonne chose.

Bureau de Red

Earl est de nouveau en retard et utilises la même excuse. Red demande alors à son fils de sortir pour s'expliquer en privé avec lui. Éric s'exécute mais reste l'oreille collé à la porte. Il entend alors son père hurler sur Earl sans relâche et il en est très choqué.

Cuisine des Forman

Éric et Red rentrent du travail. Lorsque Kitty leur demande comment ça s'est passé, Red lui apprend qu'il a viré Earl. Éric s'en mêle et précise qu'il l'a humilié, le faisant même pleurer. Il n'arrive pas à comprendre a pu faire cela à quelqu'un qui est également son ami. Red explique à son fils qu'il ne mélange pas le travail et la vie privée mais il est vite agacé par la réaction de son fils et quitte la pièce. Kitty sermonne Éric, il n'aurait pas du questionner les agissement de son père car il va de nouveau s'en attirer les foudres. Éric le sait, il est d'ailleurs conscient du fait qu'il va redevenir son bouc-émissaire maintenant que Earl n'est plus là. Il demande à sa mère pourquoi son père est toujours aussi méchant avec lui. Kitty lui explique que c'est parce qu'il s'inquiète pour lui et que c'est sa manière de montrer qu'il l'aime.

Sous-sol des Forman

Jackie assure haut et fort qu'elle déteste Laurie car c'est une garce. Tout le monde est d'accord avec elle. Mais lorsqu'elle dit que tout le monde l'adore, les réactions des autres se font attendre. Laurie et Kelso font irruption dans la pièce et une tension s'installe. Laurie exige que Jackie s'en aille mais la jeune fille refuse, elle est invitée par Éric. Le jeune homme est trop content d'embêter sa sœur et lui affirme que Jackie est la bienvenue. Laurie demande alors à Kelso d'intervenir mais le jeune homme se retrouve bien embêté entre les deux filles. Sentant la situation lui échapper, Laurie menace Jackie qui la rabroue vertement, se moquant de son manque de vertu. Kelso se moque. Laurie est furieuse et le tire à l'extérieur. Les autres sont fiers de Jackie et Fez l'invite à venir s'asseoir à côté de lui sur le canapé.

Allée des Forman

Red râle car ils vont être en retard à cause d'Éric. Le jeune homme le laisse faire, sachant que c'est sa façon à lui d'exprimer qu'il tient à son fils. Red ne comprend rien à ce qu'il raconte et le somme d'arrêter d'être bizarre.

Fairgirl

FADE IN:

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - MORNING (DAY1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Red)

MUSIC CUE: "GIVE A LITTLE BIT" BY SUPERTRAMP

THE GANG HANGS OUT. FEZ OGLES A TOOTSIE POP.

FEZ
How many licks does it take to get
to the tootsie roll center of a toosie
pop? One... (LICK) Two-hoo. (LICK)
Ah, screw it. (BITES) Ow, my tooth!
Oh, why did I have to bite it?

RED COMES HALFWAY DOWN THE STAIRS.

RED
Eric, if you don't want to wear your
ass for a hat, you'll get up here,
pronto!

RED GOES BACK UP THE STAIRS.

DONNA
You better go. You know how that ass-
hat screws up your hair.

THEY HEAD UPSTAIRS. HYDE SHAKES HIS HEAD.

HYDE
Poor Forman, man. Working for Red. I
wouldn't wish that on my enemies.

FEZ
I would. Those suckas must pay!

JACKIE ENTERS FROM OUTSIDE.

KELSO
(SWEETLY) Hey, Jackie.

JACKIE
Save the sweet talk for the next
idiot who's dumb enough to date you.

FEZ
You know, Jackie, if you are in the
market for a new lover, they say,
once you go Fez, you never go back.
(THEN) In my language that rhymes.

JACKIE
Uh-huh. Where's Donna?

HYDE
She's upstairs with Forman.

SHE HEADS FOR THE STAIRS. KELSO STARTS TO FOLLOW HER.

JACKIE
And don't follow me, Michael. We're
broken up and I mean it.

KELSO
Oh, I wasn't! And thank God we're
broken up, because...

JACKIE'S GONE.

KELSO
Damn, I miss her!

HYDE
Well, golly gee, Kelso, who wouldn't?

KELSO
Oh, spare me the sarcasm, Hyde. I'm
totally lonely and I'm really hurting
here.

HYDE
Geez, Kelso, I've seen people gut-
shot who complain less than you.

FEZ
What do you miss about her, Kelso?
All she ever did was call you names.
Heck, I can do that for you. You
idiot. See?

KELSO
Aw, thanks, Fez.

FEZ
No problem. Fartface!

HE PATS KELSO ON THE SHOULDER AS WE:

CUT TO:

OPENING CREDITS

FADE OUT.

ACT ONE

SCENE A

FADE IN:

INT. RED'S OFFICE - MORNING (DAY 1)
(Eric, Red, Earl)

ERIC PUTS BOXES ON A DOLLY. HE WHISTLES. RED WORKS AT HIS
DESK.

RED
You know what the great thing about
whistling is? It's that you can stop
whistling!

ERIC
Oh. Sorry.

NOT WHISTLING, HE PUTS ANOTHER BOX ON THE DOLLY.

RED
Hey, bend at the knees or else I'll--

ERIC
Kick my ass, put your foot in my
ass, make my ass a hat, yeah, yeah,
yeah.

RED
Geez, and I didn't think you were
listening. Oh, and I need you to re-
sticker the clock radios. They're on
sale.

ERIC
Yeah, I saw the flyer. I already
took care of it.

RED
(IMPRESSED) Really? Well, way to
take initiative.

ERIC
(STUNNED) "Way to take initiative..."?
What are you up to?

RED
Nothing. I just think you did a god
job.

ERIC
Okay. But I'm watching you.

RED
Stop being weird.

EARL, MIDDLE-AGED MAN IN A PRICEMART SMOCK, ENTERS.

EARL
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late, Red. My
dog was hit by a car, and I had to
rush him to the vet.

RED
Earl, he was hit on Tuesday, too. I
gotta say, that's one dumb dog.

EARL
Okay, you're right. I'm sorry, Red.
I know you gave me a break here,
'cause we worked at the plant
together. And I appreciate it. So, I
swear it's the last time.

RED
Why can't you be more like Eric?
He's eighteen--

ERIC
Dad, I'm seventeen.

RED
Hey, Eric, I'm talking here. (THEN)
And he's got a better work ethic
than you.

EARL
Oh, no doubt there, Red. You can
tell he's your son, 'cause he's just
super, a real dynamo with the mop,
and, uh...

RED
Aw, Earl, just get to work.

EARL
Oh, sure. Right after my cup of joe.
I'm useless without my coffee.

EARL RUNS OUT. ERIC MUTTERS:

ERIC
Then, I guess he hasn't had coffee
in years, huh?

TO ERIC'S SURPRISE, RED CHUCKLES HEARTILY.

RED
Hey, that's pretty funny!

ERIC
Okay, what's up with you!

CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE B

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY (DAY 1)
(Donna, Kelso)

KELSO PLAYS BASKETBALL. DONNA CROSSES THROUGH.

DONNA
Hey, Kelso. How's it going?

KELSO
How's it going? Great! Just because
a guy shoots hoops by himself, that
doesn't mean he's lonely. No, far
from it.

DONNA
Okay. That's good.

SHE STARTS TO LEAVE. KELSO STOPS HER.

KELSO
Hey, Donna? All this talk about being
lonely kind of reminds me of me, you
know?

DONNA
Kelso, are you gonna get all
emotional? 'Cause just 'cause I'm a
girl doesn't mean that I won't totally
make fun of you.

KELSO
Fair enough. (THEN) I know I keep
things bottled up, but under this
cool exterior, there's a real sad
human being.

DONNA
Oh, God, Kelso, is this about Jackie?

KELSO
Yes! What gave it away?

DONNA
The fact that it's all you ever talk
about, you stupid dillhole. Look,
Kelso, get it through your head.
Jackie's not coming back to you.

KELSO
But why?

DONNA
Because you slept with someone else!

KELSO
Yeah, like a month ago, God!

CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE C

*** PRE-SHOOT THURSDAY ***

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY (DAY 1)
(Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Fez)

MUSIC CUE: "LIDO SHUFFLE" BY BOZ SCAGGS

A 360 SCENE.

KELSO
I just realized Jackie's short. And
I don't like short people. They're
creepy. Always sneaking up on you. I
don't even know why I was with her.

FEZ
Maybe it's because she is a tiny
little whore. (THEN) Oh, I meant to
hurt you, but I hurt myself because
I love her.

ERIC
Hey, guys, I really cracked Red up
today. And not by tripping, or getting
wet, or vomiting--

HYDE
Did you bump your head? (LAUGHS)
That's good stuff.

THE CAMERA REVERSES DIRECTION.

ERIC
No. I made a joke, and he got it! At
work, we're like just two guys,
brought together by the common goal
of slashing prices on all your
household needs. Plus, man, it's so
fun to watch him chew out other
people.

THE CAMERA REVERSES DIRECTION.

HYDE
Yeah, Forman, now you know how we
feel when he yells at you.

KELSO
It really is hilarious. You get all
bug-eyed and stuttery. (THEN, SERIOUS)
Fellas, I've been thinking. There
are a lot of ladies out there. And I
haven't seen nearly enough of them
naked.

FEZ
Sometimes I am looking at naked
ladies, and then I get exhausted and
then I get a second wind and I am
ready for more naked ladies.

ERIC
Like, there's this guy at work, Earl,
who's a real screw-up. And he gets
my Dad pretty P.O.ed. But he deflects
Red's anger from me. Earl's like a
"dumbass" lighting rod.

HYDE
I hear ya. I'll only work with the
barely-competent. It takes the stress
out of slacking off.

KELSO
It feels great to be free of that
midget. The world is my oyster, and
I'm ready to shuck it. Nothing but
hot new ladies from here on in. I'm
gonna be boldly going where no man's
gone before.

FLIP TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE D

INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM - EVENING (DAY 1)
(Kelso, Hyde, Kitty, Laurie)

SFX: DOORBELL

HYDE LOOKS ON AS KITTY ANSWERS THE DOOR, REVEALING A DRESSED-
UP KELSO, WHO HOLDS FLOWERS.

KELSO
Hi, Mrs. Forman. I'm here to pick up
Laurie.

KITTY
No. No. You mean, Eric.

KELSO
No, Laurie. Your other kid.

KITTY
But, but, why?

HYDE APPROACHES KELSO.

HYDE
(DISGUSTED) You're dating Laurie?
That's not different, man. You're
boldly going where every man's gone
before.

KITTY
Steven! It's not nice to be so...
truthful.

LAURIE ENTERS DOWN THE STAIRS, DRESSED FOR A DATE.

LAURIE
Hi, Kelso. (RE: FLOWERS) Did you buy
me those?

KELSO
Yep. Just like you told me.

LAURIE
No, I told you roses. Come on, doofus.

LAURIE AND KELSO EXIT.

ANGLE ON: KITTY AND HYDE IN THE DOORWAY.

HYDE
No offense, Mrs. Forman, but those
two could make the dumbest babies
ever.

KITTY
LAUGHS, THEN STOPS HERSELF) That's
not funny.

SHE SHUTS THE DOOR.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE E

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - EVENING (DAY 1)
(Eric, Hyde, Red, Kitty)

ERIC, RED, HYDE AND KITTY EAT IN SILENCE. THEN:

ERIC
Uh, y'know, speaking of work--

HYDE
Wee weren't talking about work.

ERIC
Work, right. Dad and I really put in
some hard hours today. Didn't we,
Pop?

RED
Yep. (TO KITTY) Eric really busted
his hump.

KITTY
I'm so happy my two fellas work so
well together. Hey, how's Earl doin'?

RED
He's okay. But his damn dog can't go
a day without getting hit by a car.
At least I got one good man down
there.

ERIC
Right back at ya, big guy.

KITTY
Well, I just think it's nice you
gave Earl a job. We've known him
forever.

HYDE
So, this guy owes his job to Red,
and he still phones it in? (IN AWE)
Earl is the king!

ERIC LAUGHS.

KITTY
Earl's always been a character.

ERIC
Yeah. And today, he was late, and
Dad said get to work, and he said,
"Sorry, Red, I'm useless without my
coffee," and then I said, "He must
not have had coffee in years!" Right,
right?

ERIC LAUGHS AGAIN.

KITTY
Huh, that's cute.

ERIC
And, wait, listen, that's not even
my best Earl joke. Okay, ready? Knock,
knock. Who's there? Not Earl! 'Cause
he's late. Right? C'mon.

RED CHUCKLES A LITTLE.

RED
Yeah, I'm guessin' Earl's not short
for early.

RED CHUCKLES, ERIC FOLLOWS.

ERIC
God one! (TO HYDE) I love this job.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

SCENE H

FADE IN:

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT (DAY 1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Fez, Laurie)

MUSIC CUE: "BOOGIE NIGHTS" BY HEATWAVE

THE GANG, MINUS JACKIE SITS STARING AT LAURIE.

ERIC
(SWEETLY) Hey, Laurie, could you...
(HUGE) get out! Thanks.

LAURIE
C'mon, Kelso, come up to my room. I
need you to help me move my bookcase.

LAURIE EXITS UP THE STAIRS. KELSO STANDS.

KELSO
(TO THE GUYS) That means we're gonna
have sex.

HYDE
Yeah, thanks for cracking that code.

ERIC
Kelso, what are you doing?

FEZ
They're going to have sex! Get the
wax out of your ears!

ERIC
You can't bring Laurie down to the
basement. It's our fortress of
solitude, you bonehead.

KELSO
I'm sorry, but Laurie's my girlfriend
and I love her.

DONNA
No, you don't.

KELSO
Well, I like her.

HYDE
No, you don't.

KELSO
I think she is okay. And the line
between "love" and "okay" is pretty
fine. But the line between "doing
it" and "not doing it," that's not
fine at all!

DONNA
Just like the line between "moron"
and "idiot."

KELSO
Exactly. It took me months to get
Jackie in the sack. But Laurie already
lets me do it and, plus, I'm always
hanging out over here, anyway. So,
there's the convenience factor.

LAURIE (O.S.)
(FURIOUS) Kelso, move it or lose it!

KELSO
Why can't you guy see how great this
is?

HE TEARS UP THE STAIRS.

CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE J

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY (DAY 2)
(Donna, Jackie)

DONNA AND JACKIE HANG OUT.

DONNA
Jackie, it's great to see you so
happy. And strong. And over Kelso.
You're like a rock. You're like a
tiny little rock.

JACKIE
Donna, do you have bad news? Or are
you making fun of my butt?

DONNA
No, your butt's fine.

JACKIE
(INSULTED) Fine?!

DONNA
(EXASPERATED) Glorious, whatever.
Look, uh, Kelso's... dating Laurie.

JACKIE
(HUGE GASP, THEN) I don't care.

DONNA
Oh, come on, Jackie, how can you
still have feelings for him?

JACKIE
I don't have feelings for him. I
just hate that bitch for making him
happy.

DONNA
Oh, believe me, Jackie, she will
make him more miserable than you
ever did.

JACKIE
Oh, Donna, I'm gonna pray to God
that that's true.

CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE K

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY (DAY 2)
(Kelso, Hyde, Kitty, Laurie)

KITTY CONFRONTS LAURIE.

SPLIT SCREEN

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - SIMULTANEOUS (DAY 2)
(Kelso, Hyde)

HYDE AND KELSO ON THE COUCH.

KITTY
Laurie, I have to talk to you.

HYDE
Kelso, we gotta confab, man.

LAURIE/KELSO
(SUSPICIOUS) Okay.

KITTY
Too many times, I have sat idly by
and watched you make bad choices.

HYDE
I've seen you screw up an awful lot.
And sure, I've enjoyed it.

KITTY/HYDE
But now, you've gone too far. Do you
know what this is about?

LAURIE
Duh. I'm not an idiot.

KELSO
Nuh-uh.

KITTY
Michael has some nice qualities,
but...

HYDE
Laurie's got great legs and a fine
rack, but...

KITTY
...he's just a boy.

HYDE
...she's a major skankoid.

KITTY
And you don't know where a boy like
that will end up.

HYDE
And you don't know where a girl like
that has been.

KITTY
Now, I know you want a boyfriend
who's weak and easily manipulated...

HYDE
Now, I know you're weak and easily
manipulated...

KITTY
...but you're got to learn to think
about the future.

HYDE
...but you've got to learn to think.

KITTY/HYDE
'Cause, what's convenient isn't always
what's best.

KITTY
If it were... I'd just throw on a
muumuu and eat out of a can.

HYDE
If it were... this frozen pizza
wouldn't taste like monkey-butt.

LAURIE
Okay. Are you done with this little
lecture?

KELSO
Okay. Are you done with that pizza?

KITTY/HYDE
Yes. And I thik I made my point.

HYDE GIVES KELSO HIS PIZZA. KITTY AND HYDE EXIT THEIR
RESPECTIVE SCENES. LAURIE SHAKES HER HEAD. KELSO TAKES A
BITE OF PIZZA. WE HEAR THEIR THOUGHTS.

LAURIE (V.O.)
God, I gotta get my own place.

KELSO (V.O.)
This doesn't taste like monkey-butt!

CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE L

INT. RED'S OFFICE - DAY (DAY 2)
(Eric, Red, Earl)

RED SITS AT HIS DESK. ERIC SWEEPS.

ERIC
...and the lady didn't even know the
difference between cool mint and
wint-o-green, huh?

RED
What a dumbass.

ERIC
Right, huh? I mean, right?

EARL ENTERS.

EARL
Aw, geez, Red, I'm sorry I'm late
for our little meeting. My dog...
uh, car... got hit by a... car.
Accident, that's the word.

ERIC
Eric, you need to take your break
anywhere but here.

ERIC TURNS AND LEAVES.

RED
Earl, you're fired.

EARL
What? What did I do?

RED
What did you do? I'll tell you what
you did.

RESET TO:

INT. PRICEMART HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
(Eric, Red (O.S.))

ERIC LISTENS OUTSIDE THE DOOR TO A STRING OF GIBBERISH.

RED (O.S.)
Ewh fupid basshod. Esh mubdkin bowed
fup make mady may fif dof moodin'
fafe mass mexfudes. Dew fod mup febrey
may fook. (MIMICS) Mickin fickin
day. Mookin fookin do! (THEN, YELLING)
Marnle snorkle not!

ERIC LISTENS AND FLINCHES.

DISSOLVE TO:

ERIC, SLUMPED DOWN AGAINST THE DOOR, STILL LISTENING.

RED (O.S.)
Snarkle forkle fo. Ewh fupid basshod.
Esh mubdkin bowed fup make mady may
fif dof moodin' fafe mass mexfudes.
Dew fod mup febrey may fook. Dew fod
mup febrey may fook.

THE YELLING STOPS. ERIC IS RELIEVED.

RED (O.S.)
And another thing! Mucka zooka ho...

ERIC PUTS HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS.

CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE M

*** PRE-SHOOT THURSDAY ***

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - EVENING (DAY 2)
(Eric, Red, Kitty)

KITTY SITS AT THE TABLE. ERIC AND RED ENTER.

KITTY
Hi, how was your day?

RED
I had to let Earl go.

ERIC
Let him go? You yelled at him until
he cried.

RED
Hey, what kind of man cries after
only fiftenn minutes of yelling?

ERIC
Well, I'm sorry, but I just don't
like the way you handled Earl. He
was your friend.

KITTY
Eric, hush shush hush hush.

RED
Work is work, Eric. You don't show
up late, you don't make excuses, and
you don't not work. If it wasn't
"work," they wouldn't call it work.
They'd call it "super-wonderful,
crazy-fun time!" Or "Skippedydoo!"
Aw, geez, why the hell am I even
talking to you?

RED STORMS OUT.

KITTY
Oh, Eric, why'd you have to upset
your father?

ERIC
What, I can't have my own opinion
without him tearing my head off?

KITTY
No, and I think at your age, you
should know that by now.

ERIC
Well, no, Mom, no. Uh-uh. We had
such a good thing going at work, and
he wrecked it. I don't think he even
cares about what he did. He's mean.

KITTY
Oh, you shut your porky mouth, mister.
Your father was up all night tossing
and turning about having to fire
Earl.

ERIC
Well, it just stinks, because it's
the first time that we were ever,
like, cool with each other. Why does
he have to be such a hard ass?

KITTY
Oh, come on, Eric. That's how he
expresses himself. That's always how
he's expressed himself. (BEAT) Your
father yells at you because he cares.

ERIC
Yeah, right, well, if that's true,
then...

ERIC LOOKS OFF INTO SPACE. FOR EACH OF THE FOLLOWING LINES,
A NEW, LITTLE, "RED" HEAD APPEARS AROUND ERIC, EVENTUALLY
FILLING UP THE SCREEN.

RED
Stand up straight./Stop
whining./You're a dumbass./Go to
your room./Get back here./You call
this a report card?/Hand above the
covers./I oughta smack you.

ERIC COMES OUT OF HIS REVERIE. THE HEADS DISAPPEAR.

ERIC
(WRY) ...I guess I have the best dad
in the world.

CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE P

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT (DAY 2)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Laurie)

ERIC, DONNA, HYDE AND FEZ ATTEMPT TO WATCH "HOLLYWOOD
SQUARES." JACKIE BABBLES ON.

JACKIE
You know who I hate? Laurie.

FEZ
Oh, Jackie, I know you are in pain
and upset, but you're not going to
talk during the Hollwood Squares,
are you?

JACKIE
I really do hate her. No offense,
Eric, but your sister's a slut.

ERIC
Oh, my God, Jackie, not since the
"Smokey versus Bandit" debate have
you and I been so on the same page.

JACKIE
Really? Thank you, Eric.

ERIC
You're so welcome, Jackie.

DONNA
Yeah, I think we're all on board.

JACKIE
This is so great. You all hate Laurie
and love me.

HYDE
Right. We all hate Laurie.

FEZ
(TO HYDE) Shush! (THEN, OFF TV) Oh,
great, Lambchop had a joke, and I
missed it!

KELSO AND LAURIE ENTER.

KELSO
Hey, guys.

JACKIE
(COLD) Oh, Hello, Michael.

SHE GIVES LAURIE THE EVIL EYE. LAURIE RETURNS IT.

LAURIE
Kelso, as your new girlfriend, I'm
really not comfortable with your old
girlfriend hanging out down here.

KELSO
Okay. Jackie, do you mind?

JACKIE
No. I don't mind if you leave.

KELSO ISN'T SURE WHAT TO DO. HE TURNS TO LAURIE.

KELSO
She's not leaving.

LAURIE
Well, I'm not either.

KELSO
(TO JACKIE) She's not either.

JACKIE
Fine.

KELSO
(TO LAURIE) Fine.

LAURIE
Fine.

KELSO
(TO JACKIE) Fine.

LAURIE
Hey, this is my house.

JACKIE
So what? Eric wants me here, don't
you, Eric?

ERIC
Why, yes I do!

LAURIE
You better watch your back.

JACKIE
You shouldn't spend so much time on
yours.

KELSO
Oh, burn! (THEN, TO LAURIE) Sorry, O
got swept away by the super good
burn, man.

LAURIE
Shut up!

LAURIE AND KELSO EXIT.

FEZ
Jackie, that was an excellent burn.

JACKIE
Thank you, Fez.

FEZ
Now, please sit next to Fez-- (TURNS
TO DONNA) --Move it! And watch the
Hollywood Squares.

JACKIE SITS NEXT TO HIM.

FEZ
(RE: TV) Oh, look at that Paul Lynde.
What a ladies' man.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

CREDIT WINDOW

*** PRE-SHOOT THURSDAY ***

FADE IN:

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - MORNING (DAY 3)
(Eric, Red)

ERIC AND RED CROSS FROM THE HOUSE TO THE TOYOTA.

RED
What the hell were you doing in the
shower so long? You know, it wastes
water and I might be late. In fact,
I'm definitely not gonna be the first
person there.

THEY GET IN THE CAR.

RED
You know how that makes me look?
Damn it, you gotta grow up and learn
some responsibility.

ERIC
I love you, too, Dad.

RED
(BEAT) What? Stop being weird.

ERIC
Thanks.

FADE OUT.

END OF SHOW