Point Place, Wisconsin
December 8, 1976
3:18 p.m.
Point Place High School
(In front of Point Place High School, Eric and Buddy are talking.)
Eric: Alright, this is basically all you need to know about Bohr's theory of atomic structure.
(He hands some papers to Buddy.)
Buddy: Cool, man, thank. Appreciate it. Listen, you don't mind me being your chemistry lab partner?
Eric: No. Why would I mind?
Buddy: Just 'cause I , uh…you know, I tend to blow things up. (He goes up to a red Trans AM and starts to unlock it.)
Eric: Whoa, whoa, um, Buddy, what are you doing?
Buddy: Unlocking my car.
Eric: No way! This is your car! Oh, so you're the guy I hate.
Buddy: Yeah! Yeah, that'd be me.
Eric: Can I just…? (Motions looking at the car.)
Buddy: Yeah, uh-huh!
(Eric runs over to the passenger side of the car.)
Eric: I'm s-so glad you're my lab partner!
Buddy: I could take you for a ride if you want.
Eric: No way. Oh, let's go! (He jumps in the car. Buddy gets in the other side. Eric looks at the power windows and rolls them up and down. )
Buddy: Hey, don't do that. (Eric stops and looks down sheepishly.) I'm kidding!
(Eric rolls the windows again.)
** ** **
(Red and Bob are in Bob's store.)
Bob: Here you go, Red! Your very first paycheck!
Red: Thanks Bob. You know, eh, I really appreciate the job.
Bob: Yeah, I just wish you had a commission check in there.
Red: Well, I haven't sold a damn thing.
Bob: Yet. But if I paid people for almost selling something you'd be rich. But I don't so you're not! But hey! Today is your day.
(Red spots a customer eyeing some refrigerators. He walks up to her.)
Red: Oh, hi! Uh, can I help you?
Customer: Yes, I'd like to buy a refrigerator.
(Bob pats Red's shoulder.)
Bob: Whoo-hoo! (he leaves.)
Red: Well, what kind of refrigerator would you like?
Customer: Well, I don't know.
Red: Ok, what kind of features are you looking for?
Customer: Um…I'd like it to be cold.
Red: Yeah. Uh, well. How many cubic feet of food does your family consume in a week?
Customer: Gee, I don't know. I do know I like harvest gold!
Red: See, well now there's your first mistake. Now, color is the last thing that you wanna consider. You see, I can't sell you something, if you don't know what you really want.
Customer: Yes. It was wrong of me to walk in here ready to write a check. But thanks!
(She leaves, while Red stands frustrated with the sale he let slip out of his fingers.)
(Theme song plays.)
** ** **
(Hyde and Kelso are standing shivering outside of the school. Eric's Vista Cruiser is sitting in it's space.)
Hyde: Where the hell's Forman, man? This isn't like him.
Kelso: I'm really starting to get worried. What if something happened to him?
Hyde: Nothing happened to him.
Kelso: What if he's lost? Or hurt somewhere?
Hyde: Calm down, Lassie. I'm sure Timmy's just fine.
Kelso: Yeah, maybe we should check the school morgue.
Hyde: Kelso, the school doesn't have a morgue.
Kelso: Then what do we pay all those taxes for?
Hyde: You know what kills me? You do better in school than I do.
Kelso: I'm worried, man.
Hyde: Ok, fine, now let's just be logical, right? I mean, Forman's not gonna just ditch us. The Cruiser's battery's probably dead or something. (He goes over to the Cruiser and tries to open the door.)
Kelso: You know what, it's starting to get late. Maybe we should just start walking.
Hyde: No no no, I am not walking. If God wanted us to walk, he wouldn't have given us Forman.
** ** **
(Jackie, Fez, and Donna are sitting in the Hub. Eric and Buddy drive up outside in Buddy's car. Song: "Rebel, Rebel " - David Bowie)
Jackie: Oh my God, that's Buddy Morgan.
Donna: Oh, man, I had such a crush on him in the seventh grade.
Fez: He's driving the fiery chariot of the sun god.
Jackie: He's with Eric? This is a serious clique breach.
Donna: A serious clique breach? Well, that's the worst kind!
Jackie: You see, Buddy is in the rich kid clique. (She holds up the mustard to signify "rich kids".) They mingle with the jock clique. (This is symbolized by ketchup.) Then you have your smokers (pepper) and your heads. (Salt.) Ok? Rich kids can be smokers, and jocks can be heads. But jocks can not be smokers unless they're rich!
Donna: What about Larry Mosely? He's a rich jock smoker head.
Jackie: Ok, well now you're just being difficult.
(Eric and Buddy walk into the Hub.)
Eric: Hey, guys, um, Buddy, you know everyone, right?
Buddy: Hi. Uh, no I don't think we've actually met. (He indicates Fez.)
Fez: No. I am Fez.
Buddy: Hi.
Fez: My gosh, Buddy, with a car like that, you must be knee deep in whores.
Eric: Ok, let's head back to my house.
** ** **
(Red and Kitty are in the kitchen. Red is sitting at the table. Kitty is fixing something to eat.)
Kitty: Now, now, Red, you know, working as a salesman is different from working at a plant. You just, you need time to adjust. You need to use your people skills! (Laughs)
Red: Kitty, I don't have any people skills.
Kitty: Ok, come on now, come on. Buck up. You can do this. All you have to do is smile. That is the most important people skill of all. So, come on, let me see it. Come on!
(Red forces a tense, rigid smile.)
Kitty: Ok. You just keep on smiling.
** ** **
(The gang is hanging out in Eric's basement. Buddy is sitting in Hyde's chair. Donna, Eric and Jackie are sitting on the couch. Fez is sitting in his chair. They are all watching Gilligan's Island.)
Fez: Hey, they're finally getting off the island!
Eric: No, Fez, they're not getting off the island.
Fez: But they have a clock and a radio. What could go wrong?
(They stare at the TV and watch the story unfold.)
Fez: Oh, Jilligan.
(Hyde and Kelso walk in, cold and shaking and very mad.)
Eric: Oh. There you guys are. Hey, where have you been?
Kelso: Where have we…where have you been? We've been worried sick about you!
Hyde: We had to walk all the way here, man. My feet are killing me!
Kelso: Are your fingers broken? You can't use a phone?
Hyde: Do you know it's freezing outside? And I'm wearing my uncle's boots so now I have a blister.
Donna: Shaggy, Scooby, we got company. (Points to Buddy.)
Hyde: Huh. Buddy Morgan. Yeah, I know you.
Buddy: Yeah, um, I guess it's my fault. I gave Eric a ride home, so uh…
Hyde: Get outta my chair!
Buddy: Ok! (He gets up.) I really had to be going anyway, so…oh, hey! Your car's still at school, huh?
Kelso: Yeah, you're damn right it is!
Buddy: Well, I could drop you off.
Eric: Oh, yeah! Sure! And, hey guys, I'm real sorry I forgot about you.
Buddy: Hey, did you wanna drive?
Eric: HELL YES!
(He grabs Buddy's keys and races up the stairs. Buddy follows him.)
Fez: I call back seat!
(He follows them.)
Kelso: See that? He just ditched us again.
Jackie: Do you even know how difficult it is to clique jump? Eric has achieved something very special and you are both ruining it for him!
Kelso: Who cares. I'm tired, and I never wanna walk anywhere again.
Jackie: (Jumps up) Michael, walk me home.
Kelso: Ok.
(They leave.)
Donna: Ok, what's your problem with Buddy? I mean, he seems nice enough.
Hyde: Screw him, man. I mean, he's got the money, the car, the family, the teachers like him, the counselors like him, everybody likes him! I hate him.
Donna: Hyde, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?
Hyde: Donna, let me tell you something. Ok? When high school's over, Buddy Morgan's going to a great college. You know where I'm gonna be? Sitting right here in my uncle's boots.
Donna: Well, at least you got great friends. And, um, I'll always be your friend.
Hyde: Thanks, Donna. (He puts his hand on her leg.)
Donna: That was sympathy, Hyde. Not an opening for you to put your hand on my knee.
Hyde: Sorry. (He keeps his hand where it is.)
Donna: Move your hand!
(He moves his hand up and down. Donna laughs and throws his hand away.)
** ** **
(Red is at work, and he is trying to help a customer.)
Red: (Flashing his rigid grin) Now ma'am, I'm a friendly guy. And I wanna help you. But if you don't know how many amps you need, there's nothing I can do for you! Think lady!
(The customer jumps in fear and tries to get away.)
Red: No, wait, wait, wait, Bob! Bob!
(Bob runs over to the frightened customer and puts his arm around her reassuringly.)
Bob: Hi there! I'm bargain Bob. Oh! I see you're looking at blenders. Now this one here? (He indicates the smallest of three blenders in front of him.) All wrong for you. I'd say it's between these two. But this one? (Indicating the largest of the remaining two.) Visualize yourself blending with this one. Huh? Oh, yeah. Ok, just take that over to the cashier, and have a beautiful day.
(The customer walks away from Bob smiling. She sees Red and becomes fearful, and hurries away.)
** ** **
(The Hub. Kelso is playing pinball, and Hyde is sitting with his head on the table.)
Frank: Number ten, your order is ready.
Kelso: Yeah, I'll be right there.
Frank: Number ten, I have limited counter space. Please remove your hot
dog.
Kelso: Alright! (He leaves his game and goes over to the counter.) I
don't see why you can't just serve us our food, Frank. We are paying customers, you know.
Frank: Hey, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so that I could serve hot dogs to teenagers.
Kelso: You have both your legs, Frank.
Frank: Like I said. I did not lose a leg in Vietnam!
(Donna walks into the Hub.)
Donna: Hey, guys.
(She sits at the table with Kelso and Hyde.)
Hyde: Hey, man, where's Forman?
Donna: Uh, I dunno. He's not with me.
Hyde: He's with that damn Buddy again. You know, he only hangs out with
Buddy 'cause he's got a Trans AM.
Donna: So? You guys only hang out with Eric 'cause of the Vista Cruiser and the basement.
Hyde: We've been friends with Forman since he was a kid, man. Way before he had any of that stuff.
Kelso: That's right. Remember when he used to have that tree house and a go-kart?
(Frank walks over to their table and points to Hyde.)
Frank: Hey. You. Buy something, or get out! I've got a big wedding coming in.
Hyde: Frank, you don't have a big wedding coming in!
Frank: Oh, did I say wedding? Because I meant to say, buy something, or get out! (He walks away.)
Hyde: Fine, I'll go someplace else then!
(He gets up and starts to walk to the door, then turns back to Donna and Kelso.) Come on, let's go!
Donna: Mmn!(Her mouth is full of Kelso's french fries.)
Kelso: I'm not going anywhere, I just bought a hot dog!
Hyde: I'm outta here.
(He turns and leaves. He stands outside the door shivering for a while, then he comes back inside. He walks up to the counter where Frank is.)
Frank: Hello, welcome to the Hub. May I help you?
** ** **
(Cut to a montage of Buddy and Eric hanging out. Song: "Courtship of Eddie's Father Theme Song ". Eric and Buddy are playing pinball, then they turn around and jump up and slap hands. Cut to them playing basketball. Eric takes a shot, and it's way off target, but they shrug, jump, and slap hands. Cut to the Hub. Buddy hands Frank some money, and Frank motions that he wants ten more dollars, so Buddy hands it over. He puts a brown bag on the counter. Buddy and Eric jump and slap hands. Cut to them doing something in chemistry. Eric pours a clear liquid into a red one, and the stuff foams over the edge of the beaker. Eric and Buddy jump and slap hands.)
** ** **
(Buddy and Eric are at the movies. They are walking back out to Buddy's car.)
Buddy: That was a great movie, huh?
Eric: Yeah. I mean, who'd've thought that working at a car wash could be so much fun?
(Buddy and Eric get in the car.)
Buddy: So, what do you wanna do now?
Eric: I don't know. Oh, ah! Erm…
Buddy: What?
Eric: Nothing. I forgot to call Donna.
Buddy: Oh, Donna. So, she's like, your uh, girlfriend?
Eric: I dunno. It's…I don't know.
Buddy: Yeah, it's…it's ok to be confused, Eric.
Eric: Yeah, you know, sometimes, I feel like…I don't know. Like, we're in a movie, right? And, um…I'm nervous around her. And I feel like I'm playing this part, right? But it's not me.
Buddy: Mmm-hmm.
(He leans over to Eric and kisses him. Eric realizes what is happening and leaps away.)
Eric: WHOA! WHOA! Whoa!…whoa…
Buddy: What?
Eric: You! You are…you, you're gay!
Buddy: Me? Heh, no, I'm not gay.
Eric: You're not? But you…you just kissed me!
Buddy: Ok, I'm gay.
Eric: Can you take me home now?
** ** **
(Cut to the car on the way home. Eric is sitting in shock.)
Eric: Look, I'm not gay.
Buddy: Yeah, yeah. Are you sure?
Eric: Yes!
Buddy: Because I just thought that…
Eric: Well, why would you think that?
Buddy: 'Cause we've been spending so much time together…
Eric: Because we're friends! Ri…I've…I've been friends with Hyde for years and I never put the moves on him.
Buddy: I wouldn't blame you. That guy's a jerk.
Eric: Yeah, well…yeah, but that's not the reason! Um, it's because I'm not gay.
Buddy: Right. I'm sorry for kissing you.
Eric: That's ok. I mean, it's…let's just forget about it.
Buddy: Do you wanna listen to the radio? (Moves his hand towards the middle of the car.)
Eric: Hey! I told you I wasn't gay!
** ** **
(Red and Kitty in the Forman's kitchen. Red is blending something.)
Red: I'm dead weight. I'm quitting, Kitty.
(He pours uncrushed ice from the blender into a cup and mixes a drink.)
Kitty: Well, now, you can't quit.
Red: Why not?
Kitty: Because it things keep going like this, Bob's gonna fire you! Ha! It's a joke, Red! Oh, I know! I know, let's do some role playing.
Red: What?
Kitty: Some role playing! I'll be the interested customer and you be the helpful salesman.
Red: Does this end up in the bedroom?
Kitty: We'll see. Ok! Here we go. (She spins around to "change" characters.) My, that's a lovely blender.
Red: This is stupid.
Kitty: Red?
Red: Well, it's got, uh, stainless steel rotor blades so it can crush ice, which is why I keep it out here at the bar, um, and it has the highest wattage that you can get, without moving up to the industrial model, which would cost you twice as much.
Kitty: Well, now, see, we have had this blender all these years and I never knew that's why we bought it.
Red: You didn't know-how could you not know that?
Kitty: Well, Red, everybody doesn't research every product before they buy it!
Red: Well, then they're dumbasses.
Kitty: That's right! And that's why they need you to tell them what to buy.
Red: Hmm.
Kitty: (Snorts) Well, I think you are just tailor made for this job! Heck, I go in to buy something, all I know is what color I want.
Red: You're one of them!
Kitty: Well, I think you should be nice to me, Red. Because I think I might be interested in purchasing a mattress.
(She turns to go upstairs.)
Red: Kitty, we don't even sell ma-oh! (He follows her)
** ** **
(The gang is in the basement. Hyde is in his chair, Kelso is sitting on the couch, Jackie is massaging his shoulders, and Donna and Fez are standing behind them reading a magazine.)
Kelso: I miss Eric.
(Donna and Fez go to the other side of the room.)
Jackie: Well, you still have me!
Kelso: It's not the same Jackie! I can talk to Eric about things that…that I can't talk about with you.
Jackie: Ok, well like what.
Kelso: Well, for instance, the annoying things that you do.
(Jackie pushes him and stands up.)
Jackie: Michael!
Kelso: See! I can't talk to you!
(Eric walks into the basement.)
Donna: Hey, Eric, how's it-
(Eric doesn't let her finish, he grabs her up and kisses her. Everyone just stares.)
Eric: So what's everyone looking at?
(He pulls Donna closer to him, and Donna just stands, somewhat confused.)
Hyde: What are we looking at? Man, we haven't seen you in days!
Eric: Oh, what, Hyde, you had to walk all the way home from school again?
Kelso: Well, that's not the only reason we're upset with you.
Hyde: That's my only reason.
Kelso: I thought you had another reason.
Hyde: No, that's pretty much it.
Donna: Where's Buddy?
Eric: Oh, Buddy! Um…Well, Buddy got…busy, so…
Jackie: Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he has a lot to do. He is "popular."
Fez: Yes, and so obviously gay.
(Eric looks uncomfortable.)
Jackie: Buddy is not gay!
Kelso: Please, Fez. That's just stupid! If Buddy was gay he would have been all over me! (Everybody just stares at him.) Well, he would've!
** ** **
(Outside of Eric's house, Jackie and Kelso are leaving.)
Donna: See you guys later.
Hyde: So, Forman? Uh, now that the scary kids are gone, is Buddy gay?
Eric: Well, I don't think it's really my place to…
Donna and Hyde: He's gay.
Eric: Ok, guys. Hypothetical situation. Crazy scenario, wouldn't happen, in, like, a million years, let's just, let's say, ok, that Buddy made a move on me.
Donna: Eric, he's not gonna make a move on you if he knows you're straight.
Hyde: I dunno, I mean, Forman is pretty irresistible.
Eric: I don't think he'll make a move on me again.
Donna and Hyde: Again?!
Eric: Or for the first time? You know? I gotta go. (He leaves.)
Hyde: You know, Donna. If, uh, Forman ever decides to dabble in the love that dare not speak it's name, I'm here for ya.
(Donna laughs, and she leaves. Hyde follows her.)
** ** **
(Bob's store, Red is talking to another customer.)
Red: Well, you got your variable speed here, it's completely stainless steel throughout, so you know it will last forever, comes with everything you see, and um, so the only decision you'd have to make is what color do you want?
Customer 2: Oh, I'll take white.
Red: Can't go wrong there!
Customer 2: Thank you so much. You know, you're the most helpful salesman I've ever had!
Red: Oh, well. Thank you. Well, you go ahead and look around, I'll write this up. (He runs up to Bob.) I sold a mix master!
Bob: Oh, jeez, Red, that's great! Hey, what'd I tell ya? Today's your day!
(Red picks up the phone and dials.)
Red: Hello, Kitty? Guess who sold a mix master!
** ** **
(Outside Point Place High School, Buddy walks outside and Eric comes out behind him.)
Eric: Hey, Buddy! Um, I'm gonna need those chemistry notes back.
Buddy: Oh, yeah. Listen, man, if you don't wanna be my lab partner anymore, then, I'll, I'll understand.
Eric: No, no, oh, I didn't mean it like that. Um, look, we're still friends.
Buddy: Really?
Eric: Yeah. A-actually, Buddy, um…I wanted to ask why, um…why, why, um…me?
Buddy: I don't know, man, it's probably, it's probably the same reason that Donna likes you, you know? You're smart and sensitive and…nice looking.
Eric: Ok. Well, first of all, I'm not really that smart. Those notes I gave you? Copied. Ok? And as for sensitive, sometimes I can just be downright mean.
Buddy: (laughing.) You're so cute!
Eric: Well, that is…well, I guess I am!
END
