Épisode Le voyage au Canada S03E23 - That '70s Show Saison 3

 Allée des Forman

Les garçons se préparent à aller en voiture au Canada pour acheter de la bière. Comme Fez laisse un peu trop éclater sa joie, Éric lui rappelle qu'ils doivent être discrets car Red ne doit rien savoir. C'est alors que Kelso arrive en hurlant et en faisant retentir sa corne de brume. Éric lui annonce qu'il ne peut pas venir car il fait toujours tout foirer. Kelso propose alors de payer l'essence et la bière. Éric l'accepte. Alors qu'il s'apprête à monter dans la voiture, Hyde remarque Léo et lui demande ce qu'il fait là. Il est partant pour un petit « road trip » mais la bière ne l'intéresse pas. Du coup, les garçons l'emmènent. Même Léo râle en voyant que Kelso vient avec eux.

Chambre de Jackie

Jackie est euphorique car elle a reçu une réponse d'une agence de mannequins. Donna ne voit pas trop l'intérêt de ce genre de choses mais Jackie est intéressée car cela va la rendre riche et célèbre. Elle s'imagine faire la couverture de tous les magazines. Pour le lui prouver, elle veut emmener Donna avec elle.

Cuisine des Forman

Red rentre du travail avec quelque chose qu'on lui a donné : un magnétoscope. Kitty n'en voit pas trop l'intérêt mais Red lui fait comprendre que c'est une opportunité d'avoir ce bijou de la nouvelle technologie chez eux et de pouvoir enregistrer des émissions. Comme Kitty ne semble pas plus impressionnée que cela, il quitte la pièce avec son magnétoscope.

Canada

Les garçons admirent leur cargaison de bière et Kelso explore les environs pendant que Léo souligne que la bière est très négative. Avant de partir, Hyde conseille à tout le monde de vérifier qu'ils ont leur papier d'identité. Fez remarque qu'il a perdu sa carte verte. Du coup, Hyde cache Fez dans le coffre et ordonne à tout le monde de rester calme aux abords de la frontière...surtout Kelso.

Agence Glamourella

Jackie et Donna se présentent à l'agence et rencontrent la directrice, Michelle Ray. Cette dernière ne semble pas très au courant de l'audition de Jackie mais elle lui fait passer quand même de manière très rapide, puis l'engage. Jackie est euphorique. Tout de suite, la directrice lui demande de remplir des papiers et de payer plein de choses. Jackie a oublié son carnet de chèque alors elle propose de revenir le lendemain mais Michelle Ray insiste. Du coup, Jackie reviendra dans la soirée pour tout payer. Donna commence à se méfier et lui demande même si elle est vraiment directrice. Elle assure que oui.

Salon des Forman

Le film va bientôt commencer et Red lance l'enregistrement bien que Kitty voudrait le regarder en direct. Il se plonge dans son journal et demande à sa femme ce qu'elle compte faire pendant des heures. Dépitée, cette dernière va préparer un pudding.

Frontière canadienne

Les garçons passent la douane. Même si le douanier semble méfiant, il accepte finalement de les laisser passer. C'est alors qu'il entend un bruit dans le coffre. Il l'ouvre et découvre Fez en train de boire de la bière.

Poste de police

Léo blâme la bière mais les deux policiers qui s'occupent d'eux affirment que c'est plutôt Fez le problème. Ils sont persuadés que les garçons ont voulu faire passer un étranger dans leur pays. Ils ne croient pas une seule seconde que le jeune homme ait pu perdre sa carte verte. Du coup, Hyde ironise et affirme qu'ils souhaitent envahir le Canada. Éric voudrait qu'il arrête ses plaisanteries débiles car cela va leur attirer des ennuis.

Effectivement, ils finissent par tous se faire interroger. Alors que Éric dit simplement la vérité, Léo leur retourne leurs questions, Kelso pose des questions sur le Canada, Hyde ironise et Fez parle dans des dialectes bizarres.

Chambre de Jackie

Donna essaie de faire entendre raison à Jackie mais cette dernière ne veut pas y croire et pense même que Donna est jalouse. Son amie lui rétorque qu'elle a surtout pitié d'elle car elle trop idiote. Jackie est déçue car elle voulait l'engager en tant qu'assistante.

Agence Glamourella

Jackie est revenue seule pour payer et la dame veut encore lui vendre des choses. Donna arrive et annonce qu'elle veut également devenir mannequin. Jackie éclate de rire mais pas Michelle Ray qui lui fait passer une audition toute aussi rapide avant de l'engager. Dépitée, Jackie déchire s'énerve et déchire son chèque. La directrice lui glisse alors qu'elle pourrait devenir actrice. Comme Jackie est sur le point de retomber dans le panneau, Donna la prend par le bras et elles s'en vont.

Salon des Forman

L'enregistrement est terminé. Kitty est épuisée et veut aller se coucher mais Red insiste pour qu'ils regardent le film. Il lance la vidéo mais rien ne se passe. Il pense alors devoir rembobiner la cassette mais se rend compte qu'il n'a pas mis de cassette ! Kitty est furieuse et va se coucher. Red se dit qu'il aurait du lui offrir un micro-ondes.

Chambre de Jackie

Jackie remercie Donna d'avoir pris soin d'elle. Bonne joueuse, elle reconnaît que son ami pourrait être mannequin. Mais elle l'imagine surtout en couverture de magazine de mécanique, pêche ou bûcheron.

Poste de police

Les deux policiers canadiens ne croient toujours pas à leur histoire et comptent maintenant appeler leurs parents. Kelso tente de sauver la situation et commence à vanter les mérites du Canada avant de lancer tout le monde dans le chant de l'hymne du pays. Les policiers les rejoignent et sont émus mais ne veulent toujours rien lâcher. Kelso leur offre leur bière juste au moment où Fez retrouve sa carte verte qu'il avait caché dans sa voiture. Les policiers les laissent partir mais gardent la bière.

Sous-sol des Forman

Les garçons font un cercle. Après leur périple, Éric conclut qu'ils ne doivent plus aller au Canada mais de faire comme s'ils y étaient alors il met à parler avec l'accent.

Fairgirl

 

FORMAN DRIVEWAY

The guys walk out to the car

ERIC: Okay, guys. Road trip checklist. Car: Check. Okay. We're good.

FEZ: Is there anything about Canada we need to know before we get there?

HYDE: Well, the beer is stronger, and as a result, their women look prettier.

FEZ: Then let's haul ass to Canada!

ERIC: Okay. Shh. Fez, if my dad finds out that we're going to Canada uh, for beer, no less, he's gonna start killing people, okay? People like us. So keep it down.

KELSO (running up to them and shouting): All right! Canada! Whoo-hoo! Beer!
(he blows his air horn)

ERIC: Kelso, you're not going.

KELSO: What? Why not?

HYDE: Because this is a risky mission. You tend to screw these things up.

KELSO: Yo, that is a damnable lie!

ERIC: Okay. Kelso, remember that time we were gonna put a flaming bag of dog poop in front of Principal Pridwell's door and you lit it in the car on the way over?

KELSO: Yeah. I wanted to see it all flame-y.

ERIC: And then you panicked and stepped on it.

KELSO: Eric, it was on fire!

ERIC: Okay. You're not going.

KELSO: No, no, no. Fine. I won't use the air horn and I'll pay for the gas and the
beer.

ERIC: I can't stay mad at you. Come on, you big lug.

LEO (already in the car): Hey, dudes.

HYDE: Leo, man, what are you doin' here?

LEO: Sittin'. What are you doin' here?

HYDE: We're goin' to Canada to buy beer.

LEO: Canada? Cool, man. I spent some time up there during 'Nam.

ERIC: Oh, conscientious objector, huh?

LEO: No. I didn't mind. Hey, a road trip sounds good, man. But I don't want nothin' to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man.

ERIC: Okay. Let's get goin'.

LEO: Oh, don't tell me Crap Shoes is comin'.

KELSO: The bag was on fire!

OPENING CREDITS

JACKIE'S BEDROOM

Donna sits on the bed, Jackie is opening her mail

JACKIE: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Donna Glamourella Modeling Agency got the pictures I sent in. They want me to audition! My dream is finally coming true!

DONNA: I thought your dream was to be the world's first flying lady scientist.

JACKIE: No. No, Donna. That was a dream I had, not my dream.

DONNA: You're a weird little girl.

JACKIE: Yeah. If I become a model, I wouldn't have to work or study or think ever again!

DONNA: That's great. I mean, what's thought done for anyone anyway?

JACKIE: Nothing! But modeling has made people rich and famous (she imagines herself as a cover model) Come on, Donna! We're going to the world modeling headquarters. It's in Sheboygan.

FORMAN KITCHEN

Kitty is cutting out coupons, Red comes in with a box

RED: Guess who got a bonus today?

KITTY: Oh, my golly. They gave you a boxful of money.

RED: Better.

KITTY: Ohh. "A videocassette recorder." What's videocassette, and why do we need to record it?

RED: It records TV. You know how we don't get to see Johnny Carson?

KITTY: Well, he's on so gosh-darn late. Who can stay up past 10:30?

RED: No one, but now we can record Johnny while we sleep and then watch it the
next day.

KITTY: Oh.

RED: And you know how you wanted to watch the rerun of Roots?

KITTY: Mm-hmm.

RED: Well, we can tape it, and then you can watch it over and over.

KITTY: Well, I think just watching it tonight should do the trick.

RED: Well, we will watch it tonight, after we tape it.

KITTY: But we don't stay up to watch Carson. Why would we stay up to watch this?

RED: Because it's conven... Oh, you just don't understand technology! (he leaves with the box)

KITTY: No. But I sure know how to tell time.

CANADA

They guys are admiring the view (of a trunk full of beer)

ERIC: Wow. What a view.

HYDE: Just like a postcard.

FEZ: It is so beautiful I could cry.

LEO: Oh, sure. Drinking looks like fun. And all the cool kids do it. But it leads you down a sad, lonely, confused path, man. You know why they call it beer?

ERIC: No. Why?

LEO: I'm just curious, man.

KELSO (coming out of the bushes): Guys, guess how many countries I've whizzed in. Two!

HYDE: All right. Let's get goin'. We're almost at the border, so everyone's got
their I.D.'s, right?

ERIC & KELSO: Yep.

LEO: Mm-hmm.

FEZ: Oh, no. I think I lost my green card.

ERIC: Damn, Fez. Where's the last place you had it?

FEZ: If I knew that, I would have it now, you son of a bitch.

KELSO: All right, Fez. Take it easy.

FEZ: No. You take it easy. They're gonna throw me in Canadian jail. Have you
seen Midnight ExPress? Well, it's like that, but with hockey sticks.

HYDE: Great. Now we're screwed.

A little later. The guys are hiding Fez under a blanket between the cases of beer

FEZ: What if I can't breathe?

LEO: Just take a deep breath, man....And visualize yourself breathing.

HYDE: All right. Now, when we get to the checkpoint, everyone just act cool. And by everyone, I mean Mr. Crap Shoes.

KELSO: It was on fire!

MODELING AGENCY

Donna and Jackie walk in

JACKIE: Wow.

MICHELLE: Hi. I'm Michelle Ray President of Glamourella International. And you must be?

JACKIE: I'm Jackie Burkhart.

MICHELLE: Jackie Burkhart. Exactly. And you are here for?

JACKIE: My audition.

MICHELLE: Your audition. Exactly. And you must be?

JACKIE: Yeah. She doesn't matter. Okay. Let's start.

MICHELLE: Okay. Let's do it.

JACKIE: Okay.

MICHELLE: Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Let's see the hair. Well, you are a remarkable talent. Are those your real teeth?

JACKIE: Yeah.

MICHELLE: Great. Welcome to the superior world of modeling.

JACKIE: Oh, God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

MICHELLE: Sure. Now...AHEM....You're going to need to cover a few costs.

JACKIE: Of course. Oh, you know, I left my checkbook at home. Um, can I come by tomorrow?

MICHELLE: Oh, tomorrow. No. No. Tomorrow I'll be in Paris, you know, for the big show.

JACKIE: Okay. Then I'll bring it by tonight.

MICHELLE: Good. Okay. Administrative costs are 200.

JACKIE: Uh-huh.

MICHELLE: And publicity shots are 150 . And we're gonna need beauty supplies...

DONNA: Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Are you an agent or a saleslady?

MICHELLE: Oh, I'm an agent. I represent models like Cheryl Tiegs.

DONNA: You represent Cheryl Tiegs?

MICHELLE: No. Models like Cheryl Tiegs.

FORMAN LIVING ROOM

Red is hooking up the Betamax, Kitty is sitting on the couch

KITTY: Red, it's starting. It's starting.

RED: And press "record" and done! Ahhh. We are now recording. Two hours from now, we'll be watching Roots.

KITTY: Well, I just...I just don't see why we can't watch it now like normal people.

RED: Kitty, we have a Betamax. We're better than normal people. So, what do you wanna do for the next two hours?

KITTY: Watch Roots.

RED: Hahahaha!

KITTY: Fine. I'm gonna go make some instant pudding and you can't eat it for two hours.

CANADIAN BORDER

They pull up to the border

HYDE: All right. Just act cool. We got nothin' to hide.

OFFICER: You got something to hide, eh?

ERIC: No, no. He said, "We've got nothing to hide."

OFFICER: Around here, we don't make a point of saying we've got nothin' to hide if we've really got nothin' to hide.

ERIC: Wow. Cultural differences. Wow.

KELSO: We're all Americans, every one of us.

OFFICER: All right. Move along.

ERIC: Thank you.

HYDE: Cool.

OFFICER: Stop right there.

He opens the trunk, and pulls away the blanket

FEZ: Hey, you found me! You win a beer.

INSIDE THE BORDER OFFICE

LEO: You see, beer is evil. I'm not gonna say I told you so, man, but I will say
this: I told you so, man.

MOUNTIE 1: Beer never hurt anyone, my friend.

MOUNTIE 2: You're well within the legal limit on that. But you're over the limit on foreign kids you can smuggle out of this country.

KELSO: Well, what is the legal limit on that? We only had one foreign kid.

MOUNTIE 1: The limit is zero, you hoser.

KELSO: Damn it.

MOUNTIE 1: Hey, I'd keep a civil tongue in my head if I were you. We could throw you in jail right now. We're the Mounties; we answer to no one.

ERIC: Look, Fez just lost his green card. We just-We didn't want any trouble.

MOUNTIE 2: Lost green card? Seems a little convenient, eh?

HYDE: You got us. We're here to take over your country.

ERIC (laughing nervously): Hyde, I know it seems funny when you say stuff like that but, um, don't.

MOUNTIE 2:No one leaves until we get answers, eh?

MOUNTIE 1: Eh?

BOTH: Eh?

MOUNTIE 1: What are you doin' in Canada?

LEO: What are you doin' in Canada?

HYDE: We're part of an elite, high school terrorist team. Strike Force Wisconsin.

ERIC: Uh, we just came here to get the beer, and I love Rush. "Fly by night!" Ow!

KELSO: Well, if ham's Canadian bacon, then what the hell do you call bacon?

FEZ: Me no "speakaz" English.

MOUNTIE 1: What's your business in Canada?

LEO: What's your business in Canada?

ERIC: What? Getting beer.

KELSO: Every once in a while, do you ever get an American nickel in your change?

FEZ: Me no "understando."

MOUNTIE 1:  What's your reason for coming to Canada, eh?

LEO: What's your reason...

MOUNTIE 1: Shut up!

HYDE: Yeah. I'm here to nail Margaret Trudeau.

MOUNTIE 1: Been there.

MOUNTIE 2: Done that.

ERIC: Beer. Beer. Beer!

KELSO: Are those snowshoes hard to walk in? They're tennis rackets, aren't they?

FEZ: Wee foobie deebie doobie.

MOUNTIE 1: Woobie deebie doobie? Woobie deebie...

JACKIE's BEDROOM

Donna is trying to talk some sense into Jackie

DONNA: Jackie, can't you see? This woman is just tryin' to make money off you.

JACKIE: Donna, she deserves her cut. She discovered a remarkable talent. Donna, don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.

DONNA: Jackie, I pity you because you're dumb. Administrative fees? Publicity shots? Beauty packages? It's a scam.

JACKIE: This is the most important thing that's ever happened to me, and you're
trying to ruin it.

DONNA: Look, Jackie, I'm sorry, but...

JACKIE: And to think I was gonna make you my assistant.

MODELING AGENCY

Jackie is writing some more checks, without Donna

MICHELLE: Our nail care package is optional, but if you're really serious...

JACKIE: Oh..Oh, I am. I am fully committed to both fame and fortune.

MICHELLE: You are going places. That'll be another $200 then. Excellent.

Donna comes in

MICHELLE: Hi, I'm Michelle Ray.

DONNA: I know. I was just here.

MICHELLE: Of course you were.

JACKIE: I told you to stay in the car, you dream killer.

DONNA: Jackie, I'm here for you. And, as a matter of fact...I've decided to be a model too.

JACKIE (laughing): Oh, Donna, you're so funny!

MICHELLE: Now Donna, you're gonna need $200 for publicity costs. And then there's administrative fees.

JACKIE: Wait, wait. You didn't even ask her to shake her hair.

MICHELLE: Oh, yeah. Shake your hair (Donna shakes her hair) You are a
remarkable talent.

JACKIE: Wait, wait, wait. What? You think Donna here can be a model? This is a scam (she rips up her check) How dare you soil the pure and noble art of modeling?

MICHELLE: I like your passion. Have you ever considered acting?

JACKIE: Oh, my God. That's my dream.

DONNA:  We're going.

JACKIE: Oh.

FORMAN LIVING ROOM

Red is looking at his watch, Kitty is lying on the couch under a blanket

RED: And... time! (he stops the recorder) Let's watch Roots.

KITTY: Oh, Red, I'm sleepy. Can we watch it in the morning?

RED: In the morning? But I just taped it.

KITTY: Well, I know, but I thought the whole point was we can watch it whenever
we want.

RED: But I just taped it.

KITTY: Fine. Let's watch it now.

RED: Great. Now, I just punch "play," and, voilà- Roots (nothing happens)

KITTY: Where's Roots, Red?

RED: Oh, that's right. I forgot to rewind the tape. The tape.

KITTY: This tape? HOW DO THEY GET THE MOVIE ONTO THE TAPE WHEN IT'S WAY THE HECK OVER HERE, RED?

RED: It's complicated.

KITTY: Good night, Red (she leaves)

RED: Damn! I should've got the microwave.

JACKIE's BEDROOM

Donna and Jackie are sitting on Jackie's bed

JACKIE: Thanks for looking out for me.

DONNA: Sure.

JACKIE: And I've thought about it, and you could be a model. Hmm (she imagines Donna on the cover of magazines called Grease Monkey, Field Stream and Modern Lumberjack)

DONNA: Thanks, Jackie. That's nice.

INSIDE THE BORDER OFFICE

They are still being questioned

MOUNTIE 2: You guys are in real trouble if you did what we think you did.

ERIC: What do you think we did?

MOUNTIE 1: What do you think we think you did?

HYDE: What do you think we think you think we did?

MOUNTIE 2: Something involving a foreign kid in the back of a car. That much is for sure.

MOUNTIE 1: And now we're gonna get some answers.

HYDE: What are you gonna do? Torture us?

KELSO: Yeah. You gonna make us listen to Anne Murray records?

MOUNTIE 2:Hey, she's a wonderful Performer, and you're not funny.

MOUNTIE 1: No. I think what we're gonna do is call your parents.

FEZ: Oh, Red is going to kill you. I mean- obie deebie doobie.

KELSO: No! We had to smuggle Fez. It was the only way for him to see this great
country... with its spacious skies and fruited waves of... plain. And (sings)... Oh, Canada....Our home and native land....

MOUNTIE 1: Nice try, kid.

ERIC & KELSO (singing): True patriot love ...In all thy sons' command

MOUNTIE 2:It's not gonna work.

ERIC, KELSO, HYDE & FEZ (singing): With glowing hearts...We see thee rise the
true north strong as...

They falter, then Leo joins in

ALL (singing): From far and wide.....Oh, Canada we stand on guard for thee....
(now both Mounties join in) God keep our land.... Glorious and free.....Oh, Canada....We stand on guard for thee....Oh, Canada.....We stand on guard for thee

MOUNTIE 1: You sure are good kids.

LEO: Thanks, man.

MOUNTIE 2: You know, there must be some way to put this all behind us.

MOUNTIE 1: Yeah, but there's not.

KELSO: We'll give you our beer.

MOUNTIE 1: Oh, God bless you, son.

FEZ: My green card. I hid it in my right shoe for safekeeping. I even made up a rhyme so I would remember. My green card in my right shoe, something, something right shoe

ERIC: So, see, it was just a big misunderstanding.

HYDE: Thank God we got that cleared up. We're just gonna grab our beer and
head on out of here.

MOUNTIE 2: Yeah. But you're not gettin' your beer back. Now... leave Canada, please.

They all walk out, except for Leo

LEO: You leave Canada, please.

MOUNTIES: Get...! (they close the door behind him)

MOUNTIE 1: Filthy hippie.

END CREDITS

FORMAN BASEMENT – THE CIRCLE

Eric, Fez and Kelso are in the circle

FEZ: Guys, I have to admit something. I love Anne Murray. She puts me in the mood.

ERIC: So, guys, next time, instead of goin' to Canada let's just stay here and pretend we're in Canada. So, how's it goin', eh?

KELSO: Hey, you know, if Fonzie ever played a Mountie on Happy Days he could go, "Aay, eh?"

THE END