ERIC'S BEDROOM
[Eric lying in bed, has flashback of break-up]
DRIVEWAY
Donna: Are you breaking up with me?
Eric: Well, are you giving back that ring?
Donna: Yes.
Eric: Then . . . yes.
Donna: [Sobbing] [Places ring on hood of car] [Walks away]
[End of flashback]
ERIC'S BEDROOM
Eric: [Thinking] That first kiss.
DRIVEWAY
[After Todd Rundgren concert]
Donna: Okay, well, I'm gonna call it a day.
Donna: Good night. [Walks away]
Eric: Night.
Donna: [Walks back over to Eric] By the way, thanks for the ride. [Kisses Eric]
[End of flashback]
ERIC'S BEDROOM
Eric: God, I wished we never kissed.
[Whooshing]
Angel: Geez, what a drama queen.
Eric: Who are you?
Angel: Let's go.
Eric: Go where?
Angel: Well, you said you wished that you'd never kissed her. I can show you what would've happened if you never did.
Eric: What are you, like, a genie?
Angel: Genies aren't real. [Scoffs] I'm an angel.
Eric: You're not an angel. You don't even float. Everyone knows angels float.
Angel: Fine. [Floats] Eric Forman . . . God's favorite cherub . . . come with me . . . and I will release you of your suffering. Don't be afraid . . . little one.
Eric: No offense, but are you coming on to me?
Angel: Are you ready?
Eric: Yeah, why not? [Gets out of bed]
DRIVEWAY
[After Todd Rundgren concert]
Donna: Okay, well, I'm gonna call it a day.
Donna: Good night.
Eric #2: Night.
Angel: And there you go. You and Donna never kissed.
Eric #1: Well, thanks. This was nice. [Pats angel's shoulder] Good night. [Turns away]
Angel: No, no. We're gonna follow her home and see what happened next.
Eric #1: Are you an angel or a stalker?
Angel: Hey, let me do my job. I'm gonna prove to you that it is better to have loved and lost . . . than never to have loved at all, ya pansy. [Slaps Eric #1’s cheek]
[Theme Song]
DONNA'S BACKYARD
Eric: Hyde was waiting for her that night? I didn't know that.
Angel: Shh. This is my favorite part.
Donna: [Walks into view] Hey. [Sits down next to Hyde]
Hyde: Hey. [Hands Donna beer]
Donna: Thanks.
Hyde: [Sniffs] So you with Forman now?
Donna: [Laughs] I guess not. I mean, he didn't make a move or anything. So -
Hyde: Huh.
Donna: Yeah.
[Hyde kisses Donna]
Eric: [Yelling] Hyde, what are you doing? Get the hell off her!
Angel: Eric, they can't hear you. Don't you watch movies? I mean, this is some pretty basic stuff here.
BASEMENT
[Jackie/Kelso and Donna/Hyde making out]
Angel: Well, Eric, it's three months later. Donna's with Hyde, Kelso's with Jackie, and you became - just watch.
Eric #2: Does anyone want to watch "Flipper"? Anyone?
[Red comes into basement]
Red: Eric, I thought I told you to tar the driveway.
Eric #2: Yeah, but I'm hanging out with my friends.
Red: Oh, oh! I'm so sorry! Now get your ass up there and get to work! You people, out of the basement!
Eric #2: Oh, geez, I'm sorry, Dad. Don't be mad.
[Everyone leaves]
Eric #1: This is made-up angel crap. I wouldn't cave to Red like that.
Angel: Ah, you've already forgotten what a wuss you were. See, it was Donna who gave you the confidence to stand up to Red. Oh, I'm gonna show you alot of neat stuff like this.
Eric #1: Well, I guess I have no choice.
[Opens door, tries to lock angel out]
Angel: [Reappears] Like everyone doesn't try that. [Scoffs]
THE HUB
[Eric #2 is playing chess]
Eric #1: This can't be that bad. I'm wearing a letter sweater.
Angel: Chess Club, loser.
Eric #2: Ah, checkmate!
[Four guys leave]
Fez: [Walks in] Hey, I made the marching band. Ooh, at last I will be accepted by the cool kids and not get beat up.
[Two guys grab Fez]
Fez: Ay, no. Not again, guys.
[Guys drag Fez outside]
[Donna walks in]
[Hyde walks out of bathroom]
Donna: Hey, I got you a birthday present.
Hyde: What is it?
Donna: A tattoo. [Donna shows Hyde tattoo]
Hyde: [Reads tattoo] "Question Authority." Cool. I love you, man.
Donna: Prove it.
[Hyde and Donna start making out]
Eric #1: My Donna would never get a tattoo.
Angel: No, but Hyde's Donna would.
Eric #2: Hi, guys.
Donna: Oh, hey, Eric. We didn't see you there.
Eric #2: Yeah, most people don't. Yeah.
Donna: Huh. So, do you still live next door?
Eric #2: Oh, yeah! You bet. Yeah. So - Hey, Hyde, how are you?
Hyde: Great. My mom split, so - droppin' out of school.
Eric #2: Oh, man, look, Hyde, you can stay at my house. Then you won't have to drop out.
[Hyde and Donna burst out laughing]
DRIVEWAY
[Angel chuckles]
[Kitty takes pictures of Eric and Big Rhonda]
Eric #2: Okay, mom. Now get one of me giving her the corsage. [Hands Rhonda corsage]
Rhonda: [Takes corsage] Let's roll, Twiggy. My bra's about to snap.
Eric #1: I went to prom with Big Rhonda?
Angel: Sweet, huh?
Kitty: Real quick, real quick. Now, Rhoda -
Rhonda: It's Rhonda! Rhon-da! God!
Kitty: Rhon-da. I'm so sorry, dear. [Chuckles]
Red: I told you he'd fall for the first piece of tail that came along.
Kitty: Shh! Okay - okay. Now smile. Big night! Big everything! I'll make you a copy.
Rhonda: Yeah, I want to remember this night. Whoo!
[Car door opens]
Red: Here, son. [Sighs] You'll need this. [Hands Eric #2 money]
[Car door closes]
Red: Girls like her - they like to eat before the prom. Good luck, son. [Pats Eric #2 on back]
LIVING ROOM
[Donna and Hyde dancing]
Angel: Hmm, another tattoo. [Looking at Donna's arm] "Property of Hyde." Classy!
Eric: What? What's Fez doing?
[Fez walks to stereo]
Hyde: Step away from that stereo!
Fez: But Hyde, I got the new Leo Sayer album.
[Guy punches Fez]
Rhonda: Hey, everybody! I just made Forman a man. [Laughs] Well, as much of a man as he'll ever be.
Eric: Kelso and Pam Macy? But Kelso and Jackie got back together on prom night.
Angel: Never happened.
Kelso: I wrote you a love poem, Pam. It goes like this: I love your rack. I'd love to shack . . up with you and do it too.
Pam: Oh, Michael. That is so deep.
Kelso: Yeah, I kicked that poem's ass!
[Laughing]
Angel: It's all a domino effect, Eric. You see, Hyde wasn't there to take Jackie to prom, so she couldn't make up with Kelso. See?
[Jackie looking inside from window]
Eric: Oh, my God. That's so sad. It's like my relationship with Donna touched everyone's life. And I was just gonna throw that a - [Blows raspberry]
Angel: Okay, you're unpleasant.
Eric: Just give it up, I don't care. None of this is really that bad anyway.
Angel: Well, it gets a lot worse. Come on. We're going into the future. That's right - the '80s.
[New Wave music begins to play]
Eric: [When music ends] Hey, what the hell was that?
Angel: Oh, you'll find out.
DONNA'S BACKYARD
Angel: Welcome to 1983 - Donna and Hyde's wedding.
Eric #1: Man, did you have to make her pregnant? Good God, I wish I could just wake up.
Angel: Oh-oh, you may never wake up. This could be a coma dream.
Kelso: [In announcer's voice] Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Steven Hyde . . . from Cedar Rapid's number one anchorman. [Hands Hyde gift]
Hyde: Kelso, man, glad you could make it.
Kelso: Hey, oh, man, can I kiss the bride?
Donna: Sure.
[Kelso kisses Donna]
Donna: [Shoves Kelso away] Damn it, Kelso! You don't French the bride!
Rhonda: Where's the food?
Eric #2: Please, honey, for the love of God -
Rhonda: Don't "honey" me. I'm hungry, stick man. [Sniffing] [Walks away]
Hyde: Hey, Forman, so when are you and Big Rhonda gonna tie the knot, huh?
Eric #2: Oh, I don't know. You know, I'm so busy at Price Mart, and, uh, she has her dog grooming . . . and her cheating on me, so -
[Jackie walks in]
Kelso: Jackie . . . Burkhart? Is that you?
Jackie: I'm sorry. Do I know you?
Kelso: It's Michael, Kelso?
Jackie: It rings a stupid, little bell. You know, I bet if I wasn't so happy as a globe-trotting stewardess . . . I might actually remember the tiny effect you had on me in high school.
Kelso: I'm on TV now.
Jackie: I've always loved you.
[Jackie and Kelso run into house]
[Little boy runs up to Eric and kicks him]
Eric #2: Ow!
Kitty: Oh, oh, Jake, honey, honey. Be nice to your big brother. He's not strong like you.
Eric #1: "Brother"? What the hell?
Angel: Your parents finally had the son they always wanted.
Red: Now, Son, what do we call Eric?
Jake: Dumb-ass!
Red: There's my boy!
[Red and Kitty laughing]
Kitty: Oh, what a wonderful wedding. It's so nice when children get married and - and move far away from their parents.
Eric #2: Or they don't get married and stay at home with their mother . . . who they just couldn't stand to be - [Singsong voice] away from. [Hugs Kitty]
Kitty: Oh, God. [Looks at wine glass]
[Kelso and Jackie walk out of house]
Hyde: Hey, Kelso, man. I just opened your wedding gift. It's primo. What do you say we go break it in?
Kelso: All right! [Chuckles] [Slaps Jackie's behind]
Jackie: You're leaving? I hate you! Call me.
Hyde: Fez. [Signals to follow]
Fez: Good night, Wisconsin! [Stands up, follows Hyde]
BASEMENT
Eric: [Coughing] This is really - [Coughing] I've really missed - [Coughing]
Kelso: [In announcer's voice] We have breaking news. I'm toasted. [End announcer's voice] Man, they pay me gobs of money to talk like that.
Hyde: Fez, do something with your hair, man. It's making me paranoid.
Fez: Guys, I have discovered a band that will change music forever. [Plays electronic keyboard and sings along to "I Ran" by Flock Of Seagulls]
Eric: [When music ends] I love to cook, you know? I'm really good with sauces.
[Hands clap]
Kelso: Guys, sometimes when I do the news . . . I don't wear any pants!
Angel: [Inhales deeply] Whoo! [Snickers] You know, there are some things about Earth . . . I really miss! [Laughs]
HOTEL
Angel: Okay, welcome to your 10-year high school reunion.
[Fez dancing on stage]
Eric #1: All right! I finally grew a mustache!
Angel: Actually, it's chocolate cake.
[Pam Macy and Kelso walk in]
Eric #1: What happened to Kelso?
Angel: Oh, he got fired. Yeah, he felt the news would be funnier drunk. Now he works for you, selling water beds.
Eric #1: [Laughs] What a loser! Wait, I sell water beds?
Angel: That's right.
Eric #2: Kelso, what are you doing here? You're supposed to lock up the store tonight.
Kelso: No, it's our reunion, man. I'll lock it up tomorrow, I promise.
Jackie: [Walks in] Hello, Michael.
Kelso: Hello, Jackie. Oh, I just want to let you know that, uh, I married Pam Macy. She's one hell of a cook, a super lady, and I'm really, really happy.
Jackie: Good, 'cause I wouldn't be with you anyway. You're fat.
[Kelso starts making out with Jackie, both run out of view]
Pam: Okay, Michael. When you're done being a pig, I'll be in the Le Car. [Walks away]
[Eric #2 bumps into Rhonda]
Eric #2: Uh, I'm sorry, Rhonda. [Mutters]
Rhonda: Uh, yeah.
Eric #2: Rhonda? Oh, my God, Rhonda!
Rhonda: [Laughs] Hi, Eric. Uh, I was hoping you'd be here. I just wanted to thank you.
Eric #2: Thank me?
Rhonda: Yes. Um, after you broke up with me, I was so disgusted with my life. I mean, if someone like you didn't want to see me - [Inhales sharply] Whoo! So, thanks to you and Jane Fonda, I have this new, fabulous body . . . and a successful aerobics studio.
Eric #2: Well, hey, you know what? I'm glad I could help.
Rhonda: Yeah. [Walks away]
[Fez singing New Wave Rock]
[Applause]
Eric #2: [When music ends] Oh, hey! Hi! Hey, Donna. It's - It's Eric Forman . . . from, uh, Point Place High School.
Donna: Yeah, Eric, I know. It's our reunion.
Eric #2: Right. Good one.
[Both laugh]
Eric #2: So, how are you doing?
Donna: Um, I was pretty lousy . . . until I saw how fat Kelso got. [Laughs] It made the drive from Joliet worth it.
Eric #2: Oh, right. I heard you guys moved. How's Hyde?
Donna: Hyde's good. Kids are good. He's gone a lot. Prison. Whatever. So, Eric, uh, how - how are you?
Eric #2: I'm, uh, great. I'm the number three water-bed dealer in Wisconsin. So - Donna, you look great.
Donna: Oh, thanks. [Laughs] [Clears throat] You know, don't laugh, but - Actually, never mind.
Eric #2: No, no. What?
Donna: I had a crush on you in high school.
Eric #2: I had a crush on you too.
Donna: You know, I almost kissed you once.
Eric #2: What might've been, huh? Uh, so - [Clears throat] So are you still - are you still writing?
Donna: Oh, God. Well, I mean, permission slips. Three kids, you know.
Eric #2: Right. Well, you should start again, 'cause you know . . . you were really good at it.
Donna: Oh, well, it's too late for that. It's too late for a lot of - [Pauses] Hey, so I'll see you, Eric.
Eric #2: Yeah, I'll see ya, Donna.
Donna: Okay.
Eric #2: Okay.
[Donna walks away]
Angel: Huh? Huh? Start the waterworks.
Eric #1: Sorry.
Angel: Come on. You gotta feel something.
Eric #1: Yeah - envy. He never had to feel the pain of losing her.
Eric #2: Oh, wait a minute. You actually had a relationship with Donna?
Eric #1: Wait, I thought you said he couldn't hear me.
Angel: I'm loose with the rules. So sue me.
Eric #2: No, seriously. You had Donna?
Eric #1: Look - [Sighs] We broke up. You're much better off.
Eric #2: Says you! Look at me! I'm 28 years old. I've only had sex with Big Rhonda, and all three times, believe me . . . she did not look like that! [Points at Rhonda]
Eric #1: Idiot! You're sad you were never with Donna? Well, you got off light, man! I had her, and I lost her! And believe me, you don't want to know how bad that hurts! [Opens door, walks out]
[Angel groans]
Eric #2: So . . .
[Door closes]
Eric #2: You're an angel, right?
Angel: Why, yes. Yes I am.
Eric #2: Can you, like - Can you do anything to help me?
Angel: Listen closely: No.
ERIC'S BEDROOM
Eric: [Sitting on bed] You know, Angel, thanks. But I've got to go to sleep, 'cause I have a big day of . . . misery ahead of me.
Angel: Okay, you win. It was better never to have loved at all.
Eric: Thank you!
Angel: And, hey, I'll tell you what. I'll make you a deal. I'm gonna take it all away. You won't feel a thing - good or bad.
Eric: Really? [Stands up] Yes. Yes, do it.
Angel: Okay. Well, let me just remind you what you're giving up. Hang on. [Puts hand on Eric's shoulder]
[Eric sees flashbacks of him and Donna]
Eric: [Opens eyes] Wait. No. I want to keep it. Please, just . . . let me keep it.
[Angel dissapears]
[Eric looks around, sits on bed]
HOTEL / END CREDITS
[Eric sitting down watching Fez sing and play electronic keyboard]
THE END
