Épisode La troisième roue du carrosse S04E11 - That '70s Show Saison 4

Sous-sol des Forman

Les garçons regardent tranquillement le sport à la télévision. Éric leur fait alors remarquer que l'on entend aucun bruit, et surtout pas la voix des filles. Kelso, lui, entend toujours Jackie, même si elle n'est pas avec lui. Éric trouve qu'ils sont beaucoup mieux entre mecs et propose d'aller faire un mini-golf mais Kelso y est interdit. Ils optent alors pour le bowling. Avant de partir, Fez demande à Hyde s'il doit toujours utiliser la boule rose. Son ami lui rappelle que oui, jusqu'à ce qu'il perde sa virginité.

Bowling

Kelso s'amuse avec les boules et fait des blagues qui font rire les autres. Lorsque Fez veut faire la même chose, c'est un flop monumental. Éric apprécie vraiment d'être là avec ses potes. C'est alors qu'une fille arrive et embrasse Hyde à plein bouche. Les garçons sont sans voix. Après lui avoir lâché la bouché, Hyde finit par la présenter car il la connaît. Elle s'appelle Jill. Fez fait une petite bourde mais ça n'empêche pas Hyde et Jill de recommencer à s'embrasser. Éric finit par les interrompre pour rappeler à Hyde que c'est une soirée entre garçons. Fez et Kelso sont d'accord jusqu'à ce qu'elle propose de leur payer une bière.

Cuisine des Pinciotti

Joan dit bonsoir à Bob et Donna après avoir dîné avec eux. Le père et la fille débarrassent la table et échangent quelques mots sur la nouvelle amie de Bob. Donna l'apprécie beaucoup et au moins grâce à elle, il s'est mis à se doucher et se raser après huit semaines !

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty cuisine lorsque Red et le pasteur Dave rentrent d'un match de basket-ball. Ils racontent tout à Kitty. Red propose au pasteur d'aller voir un autre match le lendemain mais Kitty lui rappelle que c'est dimanche et qu'il doit officier. Red fait alors remarquer qu'il devrait facilement trouver quelqu'un pour le remplacer. Dave est d'accord mais Kitty n'apprécie pas. Il promet d'aller à l'église.

Bowling

Jill et Hyde continuent de s'embrasser et de se peloter. Éric joue avec enthousiasme mais Fez et Kelso sont plus intéressés par le couple et sont surtout jaloux. Ils décident de partir pour aller retrouver Rhonda et Jackie. Alors qu' Éric continue à jouer, il remarque que les tourtereaux ne se sont pas lâchés. Il les interrompt et rappelle une fois de plus à son ami que c'est une soirée entre garçons. Jill veut donc partir avec Hyde mais Éric refuse car il est venu avec Hyde. Du coup, Jill s'en va seule. Hyde est furieux mais Éric aussi car son ami le fait se sentir comme la cinquième roue du carrosse. Fâchés, ils s'en vont chacun de leur côté puis reviennent pour enlever les chaussures de bowling et remettre les leurs.

Sous-sol des Forman

Jackie arrive et est surprise de voir que Rhonda est déjà la. La jeune fille a été prévenue par Fez qui leur a dit qu'ils allaient revenir du bowling pour les embrasser. Les intéressés arrivent et Jackie demande tout de suite à Kelso pourquoi il ne lui a rien dit. Le pauvre ne comprend rien.

Cuisine des Pinciotti

Le lendemain matin. Donna prend tranquillement son petit-déjeuner lorsque Joan fait irruption . Elle sort de la chambre de Bob. Donna est choquée et Joan tente de la calmer. Au moins comme cela, ils n'auront plus à se cacher. Bob arrive et veut mentir. Joan préfère s'en aller.

Église

Après son sermon, Dave annonce qu'il démissionne et tout cela grâce à Red. Kitty est très gênée et dit à son mari qu'il est surtout d'obtenir une première place en Enfer après un coup comme celui-là. Dave ne se rend compte de rien et est très heureux.

Sous-sol des Forman

Cercle. Fez conseille à Kelso d'être beaucoup plus honnête avec Jackie et de toujours lui dire où il se trouve. Mais son ami ne voit pas les choses du même œil. Pour lui, il faut toujours répondre « Je ne sais pas ». Jill est avec eux et Hyde se jette sur elle pour l'embrasser. Éric arrive et constante que Jill est assis à s place. Pas gênée, elle lui dit de s'asseoir par terre. Agacé, Éric rétorque que c'est plutôt à elle de le faire. Jill s'en va, suivie par Hyde.

Cuisine des Pinciotti

Éric raconte à Donna tout ce qu'il s'est passé. La jeune fille lui raconte à son tour ce qu'elle a vécu. Cela lui fait de la peine car elle a réalisé que sa mère était vraiment partie. Cependant, elle souhaite que son père soit heureux après tout ce qu'il a traversé. Éric réalise alors qu'il est le seul homme de Point Place à ne pas s'envoyer en l'air. Donna le taquine.

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty vient de se faire insulter une fois de plus au téléphone par une paroissienne mécontente du départ du pasteur. Red considère qu'il n'a rien fait de mal et trouve la situation plutôt comique. Kitty est furieuse.

Sous-sol des Forman

Rhonda est sur le canapé alors que Jackie entre avec Fez et Kelso. La jeune fille lui demande comment elle a fait pour entrer. Rhonda lui répond qu'on lui a simplement confié une clé car elle fait partie du groupe. Jackie est choquée car elle n'en a toujours pas. Kelso, gêné, lui répond que ce n'est surtout pas car le groupe ne l'aime pas mais on sent bien que c'est le problème. Jackie, vexée, dit à Rhonda qu'elle ne fait pas partie du groupe. Cette dernière se lève et lui propose un petit peu de lutte pour en décider. Apeurée, Jackie revient sur ses paroles. Mais les deux garçons ont été émoustillés et veulent les voir se battre quand même.

Cuisine des Pinciotti

Donna s'explique avec Joan et son père. Elle affirme qu'elle souhaite que son père soit heureux mais elle n'est pas encore prête à les voir s'afficher. Elle préfère encore qu'ils mentent. Joan ne souhaite pas mentir et propose que les visites nocturnes s'arrêtent pour le moment. Donna approuve cette idée. Bob, toujours aussi maladroit, propose à Joan de monter tout de suite à l'étage vu qu'ils ne se verront plus la nuit.

Cuisine des Forman

Hyde est attablé seul, ce qui surprend Éric. Son ami lui annonce que Jill l'a largué. En effet, ils se sont disputés car elle n'aimait pas Éric. Le jeune homme est confus et demande à son ami si 10$ l'aiderait à se sentir mieux. Hyde n'en est pas certain alors Éric lui propose 20$. Hyde les accepte.

Appartement de Dave

Red trouve Dave en train de faire ses cartons , il lui demande ce qui a vraiment précipité son départ. Dave a retenu ce que Red lui avait dit: que n'importe qui pourrait le remplacer. Red comprend le problème et lui raconte que les paroissiens ne sont pas du tout contents de son départ. La pauvre : ils ont mis des sacs de crottes de chiens partout chez Red. Rassuré, Dave accepte de rester. Red lui propose de l'aider à rendre les crottes de chiens aux propriétaires.

Bowling

Hyde et Éric arrivent. Jill est là également, c'est Éric qui l'a appelée car il s'en voulait. Jill révèle alors que c'est Hyde qui a rompu et a prétendu qu'Éric était malade. Pourquoi Hyde a-t-il menti ? Jill n'aime pas la bonne musique et Éric a besoin de se trouver une fille. Éric en profite donc pour draguer Jill qui s'en va, écœurée. Fez et Kelso rejoignent leurs copains, Rhonda et Jackie ont refusé de se battre. Ils reprennent donc leur partie où ils l'avaient arrêté quelques jours plus tôt. Kelso ressort la même blague qui marche toujours sur les boules et Fez réussit enfin à faire rire ses copains.

Sous-sol des Forman

Kelso et Rhonda font de la lutte sous les yeux de la bande. La jeune fille le met aisément au tapis.

Fairgirl                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

 

FORMAN BASEMENT

Hyde, Eric, Fez and Kelso are hanging out at the basement

ERIC: Hey, hey. Do you guys hear that?

FEZ: That was me. I had hot dogs for lunch.

ERIC: Not that. I'm talking about the sweet sound of no women.

KELSO: Oh. I never hear that. Jackie's voice is burned into my brain. I wish it would stop, but it won't.

ERIC: Remember back in the day when it was just us guys? That was good times.

HYDE: More like desperate, ''I don't care if she has a mustache I'll take her anyway'' times.

ERIC: You know what? I say, who needs women? Come on! Let's get crazy. What was that? Did someone say mini golf?

KELSO: No. I'm still not allowed back in there. I mean, what's the point of having a windmill you can't ride?

ERIC: Or ee could go beer bowling. That's always fun.

KELSO: I am in, because beer makes you a better bowler. That's a proven fact.

FEZ: Wait. Do I have to use the pink ladies' ball again?

HYDE: Now, Fez, why do you ask that question when you already know the answer?

FEZ: Pink ball only until I lose my virginity.

HYDE: Sorry. Them's the rules.

BOWLING ALLEY

The guys are ready to bowl

ERIC: All right, fellas. You know the rules. You get a strike, you chug. You get a gutter ball, you chug. You get a 7-10 split, 7 to 10 chugs.

KELSO (with two bowling balls in his hands): Hey, guys, look. I got 10 pound balls (Hyde and Eric laugh) Man, that joke never gets old.

FEZ (holding two balls): Hey, guys, my balls have holes in them (Eric and Hyde don't laugh) Now, why isn't that funny?

ERIC: This is livin'. A little bowling, a lot of beer, and just us guys.

JILL (walking up to Hyde): Hey.

HYDE: Hey.

They kiss

KELSO: Man, bowling-alley chicks are easy.

OPENING CREDITS

BOWLING ALLEY

Hyde and Jill are still kissing

HYDE: Jill. Glad you could make it. Guys, this is Jill, the girl I told you about.

FEZ: Oh, you're the one that hasn't put out yet (Hyde thumps him) Ay! Nice to meet you.

JILL: You too. So, who's up first?

HYDE: Me.

They kiss

FEZ: Can I be next?

ERIC: Hey, buddy? Hyde? Buddy? Can I talk to you for a second, buddy? Hyde, what's goin' on? I thought this was supposed to be guys' night.

HYDE: Don't worry about it, man. She's-She's cool. She's like one of us. In three beers, she'll be belchin' like a Kennedy.

KELSO: This is ''guys' night only,'' man.

FEZ: Yeah, I say out with the whore.

JILL: Hey, I'll buy the next round of beer.

FEZ: The whore stays.

PINCIOTTI KITCHEN

Joanne and Bob are saying goodbye. Donna is watching

JOANNE: Okay, good night, you two.

BOB: Boy, that Joanne. She's somethin', huh?

DONNA: Yeah, she's nice. I like her.

BOB: Good. Good. Me too. Not that I'm ready to jump into anything. I hate jumping. Makes me jiggle. But I won't like her if it bothers you 'cause I know you've had a tough time since your mom left.

DONNA: No, Dad, I think it's nice that you have a friend.

BOB: Really?

DONNA: Yeah. I also think it's nice that you're bathing and shaving again.

BOB: Yeah. That was a long eight weeks, wasn't it?

DONNA: So long.

FORMAN KITCHEN

Kitty is cooking. Red and pastor Dave come in

RED: Boy, Kitty, you missed a great game. The Bucks made a last-second shot and sent those Lakers home with their tails between their California fruitcake asses!

PASTOR DAVE: Go home, fruitcakes!

RED: I've never seen old Pastor Dave so excited. He swore at the referee.

PASTOR DAVE: ''Son of a stitch.'' I said, ''Son of a stitch.''

KITTY: Oh, well, I'm sure that fooled God.

RED: Hey, Dave, the Celtics are in town tomorrow. You up for it?

PASTOR DAVE: I'm in!

KITTY: Oh. Pastor Dave, tomorrow's Sunday (he looks puzzled) You have church on Sunday.

PASTOR DAVE: Right, church. Church, right.

RED: Well,just get someone to sub for you. Every Sunday I see six other guys up there in robes who only shake themselves awake when the wine comes out. Anyone of them could do your job.

PASTOR DAVE: Well, if God didn't want me to go to basketball he wouldn't have made foam fingers so much fun. Check it out (deep voice) The hand of God is pointing at you! (Kitty is not amused) Okay, see you at church.

BOWLING ALLEY

Eric is bowling. Hyde and Jill are making out, Fez and Kelso are watching them

ERIC: Yes! Another strike for Forman. Man, is there anything better than bowling with the boys?

KELSO: Yeah. Making out with a chick.

FEZ: Exactly. But first… Hey, Kelso, there are words on my balls (no laughing)

KELSO: Let's go.

ERIC: Fine! Go! (Fez and Kelso leave) But they're gonna miss the finest game of ten pin since 'Marvelous' Marv Winkleman Wisconsin's Velvet Thumb (he throws) Yes! It's another strike! You guys, I'm in some kind of... beery zone (Hyde and Jill keep licking each other) All right. That's it (he walks up to them) Hey, Jill? Hey, thanks for stopping by. Hyde, wipe your mouth. Let's go.

HYDE: I was gonna go home with Jill.

ERIC: Well, we came together, Hyde so I kind of think we should leave together.

JILL: Fine. Steven, call me later (she leaves)

HYDE: Forman, what the hell are you doing, man?

ERIC: Me? You spent all night making out with little Miss Can't-find-a-bra.

HYDE: Hey!

ERIC: Come on. You made me the third wheel.

HYDE: Who cares, man? Her parents are out of town, and they got a water bed! But you killed that dream. I'm out of here! (he leaves)

ERIC: But... You don't get to storm out, okay? I storm out!

He walks after Hyde. Then they both come back, realizing they are still wearing their bowling shoes

FORMAN BASEMENT

Rhonda is sitting on the couch, eating. Jackie walks in

RHONDA: Hiya, princess.

JACKIE: Rhonda? What are you doing here?

RHONDA: Waitin' for Fez, chompin' some cheese curls.

JACKIE: You know what? Michael doesn't tell me where he goes either. I hate that.

RHONDA: Kelso and Fez are on their way back from bowling. They want to make out.

JACKIE: Wait, ow'd you know all this?

Kelso and Fez walk in

FEZ: Let's French, ladies!

JACKIE: Michael, she's in the loop! Why am I not in the loop?

KELSO: All right. Look, Jackie. I don't know what loop you're talking about but if she's already in it I don't think there's gonna be room for you too.

PINCIOTTI KITCHEN

Donna is in the kitchen, making cereal. Joanne walks in

JOANNE: Donna. Well, you're up early. Surprisingly early.

DONNA: You slept here? Already? You just met!

JOANNE: Listen, Donna, I'm gonna be honest with you. Your father and I have started an intimate relationship. And, you know, it's still a little awkward for us. Emotionally, not physically. Well, a little…

DONNA: I think I might be sick.

JOANNE: Look, I know this is a lot for you to take in right now. But I think it would be better for all of us to just stop the charade and get it all out in the open.

BOB (walking in): Joanne! When did you get here?

DONNA: Oh, my God.

JOANNE:.. Oh..look at the time... (she leaves)

CHURCH

Red and Kitty are on the front row

PASTOR DAVE: And on a personal note, I have an announcement to make. I have always found happiness in serving the good people of Point Place. But after talking to a dear friend I realized that church is just not where the party is, if you know what I mean. So I'm resigning as your pastor thanks to my friend Red Forman. Red, give the crowd a wave.

The crowd looks angry. Red hesitantly puts his arm up but is stopped by Kitty

KITTY: Well, if you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now.

PASTOR DAVE: Go, Bucks!

FORMAN BASEMENT – THE CIRCLE

Fez, Kelso, Jill, Hyde are in the circle

FEZ: Kelso, you should tell Jackie where you go. That way, when she wants to do it, she can find you and do it. Boy, do I want to do it.

KELSO: Fez, the foundation of every good relationship is three words: ''I don't know.'' ''Where are you going?'' ''I don't know.'' ''What are you thinking about?'' ''I don't know.'' ''Who's that under you?'' ''I don't know.'' You see, it's bulletproof.

JILL: Why are you friends with him?

HYDE: I don't know.

They start to make out. Then Eric appears

ERIC: Hyde, what the hell? What is she doing in my seat?

HYDE: I don't know. That's a good one, Kelso.

JILL: Just sit on the floor.

ERIC: The floor? Why don't I sit on the floor? Visitors get the floor, all right? And that's you, Terri Tube Top. Oh, and by the way, it's winter!

JILL (leaving): You're a drag.

ERIC: Okay, well sayonara Yoko (they look at him) What? We're kind of the Beatles.

Hyde leaves

PINCIOTTI KITCHEN

Donna is sitting at the table with home work in front of her and Eric is pacing around.

ERIC: So it's just supposed to be guys' night out, right? And in walks Hyde's skank of the week to wreck it all. Years of friendship trumped by one pair of lopsided boobs. Yeah, that's right. I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I'm nice.

DONNA: I had to talk to my dad's new girlfriend about the sex they had last night.

ERIC: Yeah, okay, you win.

DONNA: You know, at first, I thought it was great my dad had a friend. But when I found out they were doin' it, it took things to, like, a sick place, you know? And it really made me realize that my mom is gone. Like, gone.

ERIC: Maybe you should say something.

DONNA: No. He's been through so much. I mean, I want him to be happy, you know?

ERIC: Yeah. So Bob's sleeping with Joanne, huh? God, am I like, the only guy in Point Place who's not gettin' any?

DONNA: Yes. Yes, you are.

ERIC: And you think that's funny?

DONNA: Yes. Yes, I do.

FORMAN KITCHEN

Red is reading. Kitty is on the phone

KITTY: Well, Mrs. Candiotti just told me to shove a very holy book in a very unholy place. Nice going, Red. The whole church hates us now.

RED: Kitty, I had nothing to do with Dave leaving the church. You know, God works in mysterious ways. ''Let he who is without''…

KITTY: Oh, can it. Well, the torch-carrying mob will be here any minute. Better turn on the light.

RED: They won't need a light. They've got torches (he laughs)

FORMAN BASEMENT

Rhonda is sitting on the couch. Fez and Kelso run in and jump on the couch too. Jackie follows them in

JACKIE: Rhonda? How'd you get in here?

RHONDA: I used my key (she shows her wrist with the key on it)

JACKIE: Michael, why does she have a key and I don't?

KELSO: Well, it's not because everyone doesn't want you to have one. That's for sure.

RHONDA: Don't sweat it, Small Stuff. We're all part of the gang.

JACKIE: Excuse me? Uh, no. I had to kiss butt for, like, a year to be part of this gang.

FEZ: That was you being nice? Good God! She thinks she was being nice?

JACKIE: Look, all I know is you are not a part of this gang.

RHONDA: Really? Well Snow White... why don't we wrestle for it? And if I win, I'm in. Street rules. No tap-outs (she walks up to Jackie)

JACKIE: Okay, okay, you're in!

RHONDA: Yea! I'm in!

FEZ: That's nice, but maybe you should wrestle her anyways.

KELSO: Oh, yeah! All right. Shirts off! Let's get it on!

PINCIOTTI KITCHEN

Bob and Joanne are having coffee

DONNA (walking in): Oh, good. You're both here. Look, I know you two are together and, Dad, I want you to be happy. But I just don't think I'm ready for this.

BOB: Joanne! When did you get here?

DONNA: Dad!

JOANNE: Bob!

All right. Donna, what do you want us to do? You want us to stop seeing each other?

DONNA: No. No. It's just that… Well, could you go back to lying to me? I mean, that seemed to work.

BOB: I am always in favor of lying when it comes to children.

JOANNE: Bob, we were honest with Donna and now she's being honest with us. We'll hold off on the overnight visits for a while.

DONNA: Thank you. Thanks. That's really… Thanks.

BOB: Well, if you're not staying the night, we'd better get upstairs.

FORMAN KITCHEN

Hyde is sitting at the table. Eric walks in

ERIC: Oh, hey, Hyde. Is that you? I didn't recognize you without Skankarella hanging off your face.

HYDE: Are you still on this? It's like having a wife.

ERIC: Listen, don't flatter yourself. I'd only marry someone who's nice to his friends. Her friends. Shut up. The... The point is...

HYDE: Yeah, man, I get the point. And you can drop it, all right? She dumped me.

ERIC: What?

HYDE: Yeah. She said she didn't like you. I told her: ''Too bad. We're friends.'' And that was it.

ERIC: Oh man, I feel terrible. Is there anything I can do?

HYDE: I don't know, man. I kind of really liked her.

ERIC: How does 10 bucks sound?

HYDE: Forman, 10 lousy bucks can't replace Jill.

ERIC: Yeah. How about 20?

HYDE: Jill who?

ERIC: Okay.

CHURCH OFFICE

Red walks in

DAVE: Hey, Red.

RED: Dave, what's with you? You don't just up and leave the church because I invited you to a basketball game on Sunday.

DAVE: Red, you said it yourself. There are six guys who would take my place. No one would notice.

RED: Sit down, Dave. Let me tell you a little story... about three bags of dog crap. One on my front porch, one in my mailbox and one in the backseat of my car all from people who are so upset about losing you that they are willing to find, handle and bag dog crap.

DAVE: Really? My congregation has turned to vandalism and petty harassment on account of me? I am truly blessed.

RED: Then you're staying?

DAVE: Yeah.

RED: Good. Now, come on. Let's celebrate by returning those bags to their rightful owner.

DAVE: Like it says in the Bible: ''As you sow, so shall you reap.'' Jesus was talking about love, but it works for doggy doo, I think.

BOWLING ALLEY

Jill is sitting in a chair. Hyde and Eric walk in

HYDE: Jill, what are you doing here?

ERIC: All right. I confess. 'Twas me. I asked Jill to meet us here. Jill, Hyde's my friend. That's no reason to break up with him.

JILL: What? He broke up with me. He said he had to spend time with you because of some brain inflammation that made you act like a dill-hole.

ERIC: But I don't have a brain thing.

HYDE: He forgets he has it. It's part of the disease.

ERIC: Why did you lie to me?

HYDE: Yeah, and me. (to Jill) Well, the thing is you like the Little River Band. I mean, I...I can't be with a girl who likes the Little River Band.

ERIC: Yeah, take that, missy!

HYDE: And you! You wouldn't shut up about me making out on guys' night which wouldn't have bothered you if you had a tongue stuck down your throat. So for the love of God, man, find a tongue!

ERIC: I do need a tongue. Hey, Jill, I like the Little River Band.

JILL: Ugh! You're both freaks! (she leaves)

HYDE: Haha, nice try.

Fez and Kelso walk up

ERIC: What are you guys doing here?

KELSO: Jackie and Rhonda are all mad at us. We encourage one little topless girl fight. And then all the sudden, we're the jerks.

ERIC: So let's bowl.

KELSO: Hey, guys, look. I got 10 pound balls.

FEZ: Hey, guys, my balls are black and blue.

THEY ALL LAUGH: Good one.

ERIC: That's nice.

KELSO: That's funny.

HYDE: That was good.

FEZ: My balls are finally funny.

END CREDITS

FORMAN BASEMENT

A wrestle mat on the floor. Hyde, Donna, Eric and Fez are on the couch watching. Jackie holds the whistle. Kelso and Rhonda are on the mat. Kelso is wearing a wrestle suit and head protection. Rhonda is wearing a track suit.

She throws Kelso to the floor a couple of times, while the gang are Oh-ing.

FEZ (to Kelso): No no no no, no tap outs you girl!

Rhonda throws herself one more time on top of Kelso

JACKIE (blowing the whistle): Yes! We have a winner!

THE END