Épisode Quelques conseils à l'usage des garçons S03E03

Episode 302 Guide des épisodes Episode 304

#303 : Quelques conseils à l'usage des garçons

Le monde de Hyde est bouleversé quand il apprend que son père, qui l'a quitté environ huit ans auparavant, tient un bar tout près de chez lui. Kitty tente de réconcilier le père et le fils. Donna est choquée quand elle découvre des magazines pornos sous le lit d'Eric.

Popularité

3 - 2 votes

Titre VO
Hyde's Father

Titre VF
Quelques conseils à l'usage des garçons

Première diffusion
17.10.2000

Absences de Midge et Bob.

Bar

Les garçons sont contents d'avoir réussi à entrer dans cet endroit avec leurs fausses carte d'identité. Ils se dirigent vers le barman pour commander des bières. Ce dernier pose des questions à Kelso, qui a bien du mal à mentir sur son âge. Puis il regarde Hyde car il a l'impression de l'avoir déjà vu quelque part. Hyde lui répond que oui, puisqu'il est son fils.

Les trois autres sont bouche bée, Éric propose à ses deux amis de s'éloigner pendant que Hyde s'entretient avec son père. Celui-ci salue son fils comme si de rien n'était mais Hyde se rappelle très bien qu'il est parti depuis huit ans. Lorsque son père lui révèle en plus qu'il est de retour depuis un an, il est furieux qu'il n'ait même pas essayé de le chercher. Il préfère s'en aller. Les trois autres savent qu'ils devraient aller le réconforter mais ils commandent une autre bière avant de partir.

Sous-sol des Forman

Kelso, Éric et Fez sont plongés dans un machine de charme et fantasment. Donna se moque d'eux. Fez se plonge dans la lecture des conseils de drague et lit qu'il faut prononcer à plusieurs reprises le prénom de la personne intéressée si on veut que cela marche. Fez teste cette théorie sur Donna, qui fait semblant d'être sous son charme et de vouloir se déshabiller. Fez est euphorique et ne se rend même pas compte qu'elle se moque de lui.

Cuisine des Forman

Hyde ne mange pas, ce qui inquiète Kitty. Laurie fait une réflexion désobligeante sur la présence de Hyde et ce que cela coûte à son père. Éric lui rétorque que tout pourrait coûter plus cher qu'elle. Léo entre dans la pièce et annonce à Hyde que son père est venu au magasin et qu'il le cherchait. Léo est intrigué car il croyait que Red était le père de Hyde. Le jeune homme quitte la pièce et Léo prend sa place à table, il mange son sandwich. Éric explique à ses parents ce qu'il se passe. Kitty voudrait que Hyde exprime ce qu'il a sur le cœur mais ni Red, ni Éric ne pensent que ce soit une bonne idée. Kitty insiste, elle veut inviter Bud à prendre l'apéritif. Éric laisse entendre que ce ne serait pas très délicat d'inviter un ancien alcoolique à boire. Kitty est embarrassée mais promet de lui faire boire du soda.

Chambre d'Éric

Donna et Éric s'embrassent, allongés sur lit du jeune homme. C'est alors que Donna remarque des magazines de charme qui dépassent. Elle est choquée que son petit ami puisse avoir de telles choses. Éric tente de se justifier mais Donna préfère s'en aller.

Allée des Forman

Alors que Jackie arrive, Fez l'arrêter pour tester une fois de plus sa fameuse technique de drague mais ça ne fonctionne absolument pas. En revanche, quand Jackie teste la technique sur lui, il est sous le charme.

Salon des Forman

Kitty et Red attendent Bud, Léo est également présent. Hyde arrive mais bat en retraite dans la cuisine lorsqu'il apprend que son père arrive. Kitty le suit tandis que Red et Léo discutent avec Bud. Kitty réussit à faire sortir Hyde de sa cachette et tente d'apaiser les choses entre père et fils. Mais Bud agace vite Hyde en parlant de sa nouvelle vie. Il lui rappelle que lui était en manque de père et s'en va. Red jubile auprès de sa femme car il savait que la situation tournerait mal.

Sous-sol des Forman

« Cercle ». Fez est déçu car la technique de drague ne fonctionne pas. Hyde lit de nouveaux conseils de drague où il faut ouvrir sa chemise et mettre du parfum. Fez lui prend le magazine des mains. Donna est avec eux, elle demande aux garçons si c'est normal de lire des magazines de charme alors qu'on a une copine. Pour eux c'est très clair, la réponse est oui ! Hyde la réconforte : il aurait probablement des photos d'elle nue s'il sortait avec une de ses filles. Kelso veut alors savoir si ses photos existent. Donna se jette sur lui et le tape.

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty essaie de convaincre Hyde que son père a certainement changé et qu'il doit lui laisser une seconde chance afin de construire des souvenirs heureux avec lui. Hyde se met alors à imaginer qu'il répare une voiture ou qu'il joue au base-ball avec son père, ou encore qu'il le console après un cauchemar. Mais tout ceci ne le fait pas changer d'avis pour autant.

Chambre d'Éric

Éric ouvre un de ses magazines et se met à discuter avec une bibliothécaire très sexy. Seulement, elle refuse de se déshabiller car à ses yeux, il trompe sa petite amie. Le jeune homme ferme le magazine et le lance à travers la pièce.

Bar

Hyde débarque pour hurler sur son père, qui reconnaît tous ses torts. Du coup, le jeune homme est coupé dans son élan car il ne peut plus rien lui dire. Son père s'excuse, ce qui l'énerve encore plus alors il lui ordonne de lui donner une bière.

Sous-sol des Forman

Kelso et Jackie regardent tranquillement la télévision lorsque Fez entre dans la pièce, habillé avec une chemise ouverte. Kelso est mort de rire et Jackie ne le remarque même pas, elle sent juste son parfum qu'elle ne supporte pas. Lorsqu'elle le regarde enfin, elle se moque et lui dit que tout ceci ne marchera jamais, sauf avec une fille prête à tout. Laurie descend alors pour vider la machine à laver et remarque Fez, elle est tout de suite attirée par lui.

Allée des Forman

Bud ramène son fils, ils semblent avoir fait la paix. Bud essaie de lui faire comprendre qu'il voudrait qu'il habite avec lui, il aurait surtout besoin d'un colocataire pour le loyer.

Cuisine des Forman

Kitty observer les deux hommes de sa porte-fenêtre et est ravie de ce qu'elle a fait. Son mari est d'ailleurs obligé de reconnaître qu'elle avait raison. Il se lève et va lui aussi vers la fenêtre. Il voit alors Hyde donner de l'argent à son père.

Chambre d'Éric

Éric montre à Donna qu'il s'est débarrassé de tous ses magazines de charme. Mais c'est la jeune fille qui s'excuse, elle a compris qu'il en avait besoin et que ça ne veut pas dire qu'il l'aime moins. Ils s'embrassent.

Cuisine des Forman

Red veut parler à Hyde mais il s'arrête lorsqu'il voit le jeune homme avec son baluchon. Hyde lui annonce en effet qu'il va vivre avec son père. Alors, Red essaie de lui faire comprendre que ce n'est pas une bonne chose mais Hyde lui rétorque que c'est son père. Red préfère ne pas insister et lui dit au revoir. Ils se prennent dans les bras l'un de l'autre. Red est ému.

Chambre d'Éric

Éric a retrouvé ses magazines et fait la conversation avec une pom-pom girl, qui se dévêt sans hésitation.

Fairgirl

A BAR

Hyde, Kelso, Eric and Fez walk into a bar

ERIC: All right. They didn't even check our fake I.D.'s.

FEZ: And I wasted a whole day thinking up my fake name.

HYDE: Yeah. Sorry, "Pez." Let's drink.

BUD: So, fellas, school let out early?

KELSO: Yeah. We're just....

ERIC: Kelso, shut up!

KELSO: Uh, I mean, no. No, we're old. We're workers. We're all construction workers. Hey, fellas, did you see that brick today? Whoo!

BUD: Relax, guys. It's "Serve a Minor Night" at the old "Don't Have a Liquor
License" Saloon (to Hyde) You look familiar. Do I know you?

HYDE: I should hope so... Dad.

OPENING CREDITS

BUD: Hey! Steven! (he shakes his hand)

KELSO: Wow! So you're Hyde's Dad?

BUD: Well, that's what his mother says. Hahahaha! (to Hyde) Kidding.

FEZ: Hello, Mr. Hyde's Dad. I am Pez. I've heard much about you.

BUD: Good things, I hope.

FEZ: Well, if running out on your family and becoming a drunk is good, then, yes.

ERIC: Okay, guys. Let's... look over here (they all walk off, leaving Hyde with his father)

BUD: Wow! Look at you! You're... bigger... and you got your mom's hair...and her sideburns. So, how long has it been?

HYDE: Eight years, 51 days.

BUD: Wow! [Laughs] Time really flies when you're...

HYDE: Drunk?

BUD: Y-Well. I was gonna say "havin' fun," but...[Laughs] same thing.

HYDE: Yeah, so, uh, how long you been back for?

BUD: Well, let's see. Ah, that must be about a year.

HYDE: A year?

BUD: Yeah! Hey, I was gonna call ya.

HYDE: Oh, you were gonna call me? Oh, man, that makes you, like... I don't
know, what, father of the year? I'll see you around, Dad (he leaves)

ERIC: Oh, man, Hyde's upset. Better go see how he is.

KELSO: Yep. One more round, we'll go see how he is.

FORMAN BASEMENT

Kelso is flipping through a PlayPen, Fez is watching over his shoulder

KELSO: Hello! She is just my type: Naked.

FEZ: I too, like the naked ladies. I find them so... naked.

DONNA: Yeah, that's realistic. I think I'm gonna change the oil in my car... but first I'm gonna take off everything but my cowboy boots.

ERIC: Well sure, I mean if you're in bare feet, you could slip in the oil. Come on, Donna. Safety first.

KELSO: Whoa! Surefire ways to pick up women [Scoffs] What kind of lonely losers read this stuff anyway?

FEZ: Gimme! "Look deep into her eyes, and use her name often... showing that this conversation is just for her" [Clears Throat] Hey, Donna. I think they're onto something, Donna. What do you think, Donna?

DONNA: Oh, my God. I'm taking off my shirt. Stop it, hands! Stop it!

FORMAN KITCHEN

Red, Laurie, Hyde, Kitty and Eric

KITTY: Well, Steven, honey, you haven't touched your sandwich. You feel okay?

HYDE: Yeah. I'm just not hungry.

LAURIE: Oh, Steven. Are you finally tired of freeloading?

KITTY: Can it, Laurie.

LAURIE: All I'm saying is Daddy works really hard... and nothing here is cheap.

ERIC: Except you.

LAURIE: Believe me. I'm not cheap.

ERIC: Fine. "Free." Whatever.

LEO (coming in): Hey, honey, I'm home!

RED: Oh, good. The hippie's here.

LEO: Hyde, man, your dad come by lookin' for you, man. Which is really freaky
'cause I thought this bald dude was your dad.

HYDE: Thanks, Leo (he leaves the table, Leo takes his place)

KITTY: Steven's father is in town?

LAURIE: Yeah, right. Like he even knows who his father is.

RED: Eric, you know something about this?

ERIC: She's a bitch. Right. Okay. Uh, yeah. We bumped into Hyde's dad last
night. He'd been back in town, like, a year....hadn't even talked to his own son.

LEO: Cool. Egg salad.

KITTY: Well, I'm gonna talk to Steven...and see how he's feeling about this.

ERIC: You know what, Mom? I wouldn't do that. Hyde likes to bottle those things
up.

RED: Good for him. That's where those feelings should be kept.

KITTY: Well, what is he gonna do? Pretend he doesn't have a father?

RED: Kitty, this is a family issue, and, for once, it's not about our family. Look,
the bond between a father and a son...is complex and subtle (to Eric) You wipe that damn smirk off your face!

KITTY: Red, when we took that boy into our home... it became our job to see him through thick and thin...and now it's thick... or thin... I don't know, but he needs us.

LEO: Cool egg salad, man.

RED: Fine. Stick your nose in where it doesn't belong. Go ahead.

KITTY: Okay. Will do. Bud's comin' over for drinks tonight.

ERIC: Uh, Mom, do you really want to invite an alcoholic over for cocktails?

KITTY: Oh, right. Okay, well, I'll just, um... I'll make him a nice Shirley Temple... and he can fill up on cheese.

ERIC's BEDROOM

Donna and Eric are making out, until Donna spots a magazine on the floor

DONNA: You keep a stack of dirty magazines under your bed? (she gets up to look under his bed)

ERIC: What? No! God, not a stack. You know, what is a "stack" really?

DONNA: Why do you have these down here?

ERIC: Now, wait, Donna...downstairs you were laughing and cracking jokes about
this stuff.

DONNA: Eric, that was in the basement...with our idiotic friends. Why do you need them? Aren't I enough? (she throws the magazines at him)

ERIC: No-Yeah, you're enough. God, you're...you're plenty. It's just, uh, that, uh... you see, Donna, you see, what I do with dirty magazines... is... really only interesting to me.... with the reading of the articles and the solving of the puzzles and whatnot.

DONNA: You know what? I don't wanna know bout the whatnot. I'm outta here (she leaves)

ERIC: Oh, no, girls. She's onto us.

FORMAN DRIVEWAY

Fez is waiting for Jackie

FEZ: Hello, Jackie. How are you, Jackie?

JACKIE: Fine.

FEZ: I'm glad, Jackie. I, too, am fine, Jackie.

JACKIE: Do I have a sty?

FEZ: No, Jackie. You, Jackie, do not have a sty...Jackie.

JACKIE: Okay...Fez. I don't know what you're doing, Fez... but stop doing it, Fez.

FEZ: Oh, no. Now I am turned on.

FORMAN LIVING ROOM

Leo is sitting on the couch, Kitty and Red are standing

LEO: Oh, wow, man. Look at all these different nuts intermingling in one bowl. It's like "Nutstock," man.

RED: Kitty, I think we should rethink... our "Don't Throw Leo Out On His Ass" policy.

KITTY: No, no. Leo stuck around because he cares about Steven.

LEO: And, plus, I can't find my shoes, man.

HYDE (coming down the stairs): Hey. What's goin' on?

KITTY: Oh, good news, Steven. Your dad's coming over tonight.

HYDE: Screw that! (he walks off)

KITTY: No, Steven, it's a good thing, I think.

Doorbell rings

HYDE: I got nothing to say to him! (he walks to the kitchen)

KITTY: Well, we have fancy nut mix! (she runs after him)

Red opens the door

BUD: Hey, Red! Remember me?

RED: Of course. I wasn't the one passed out in the gutter.

BUD: Yeah, I have this weird condition... where I drink a case of beer and fall
down. Hey, Red. Man, you're lookin' good. Have you lost, um... hair?

RED: Steven'll be right out.

LEO: Hey, man, nice shoes. Are those mine?

HYDE (walking out of the kitchen): Hello, Bud.

BUD: Hi.

HYDE (to Kitty): Can I go now?

KITTY: It's "May I go" and no.

RED: So, Bud... can I get you a drink?

KITTY: Aahahaaha! A drink! A drink of soda. A nice drink of soda, Bud. Plus, we
have cheese.

BUD: Soda sounds great, Kitty. Yeah, I'm off the hooch.

KITTY: Oh, really? (to Hyde) So, no more boozing?

HYDE: I heard him.

BUD: Yep. I can finally see clearly.

LEO: Isn't it great, man?

BUD: It is. I got a job and an apartment. Color TV.

KITTY: Ooh, color TV. That's nice.

HYDE: Wow, Bud, you're doing great now, huh? Color TV? Man. I remember when
I was a kid, I didn't even have a father (he gets up and walks off again)

RED: Well, well. Who could have foreseen this terrible...

KITTY: Can it.

FORMAN BASEMENT – THE CIRCLE

Fez, Hyde, Kelso and Donna are in the circle.

FEZ (with a magazine in his hands): Jackie didn't give me the time of the day. I hate this stupid magazine. Oh, no. I didn't mean it. I love you (cuddles magazine)

HYDE (holding a PlayPen): Hey, Fez. Check this out. "Tight pants turn a man's derriere into a lady's dream... "and an open shirt shows a sexy chest...and an irresistible joie de vivre."

FEZ: Really? I always thought my joie de vivre was in my pants.

DONNA: Okay. I can't believe I'm asking you guys this... but if any of you losers
had a girlfriend... would you still look at those magazines?

KELSO: Hey, I had two girlfriends...and a little action on the side...and I still looked at those magazines.

HYDE: You had action on the side? Who?

KELSO: You don't know her. She went to Sacred Heart.

DONNA: Okay. Anybody here have an opinion who's not a skeevy pig?

FEZ: I'm glad you asked, Donna. If I had Jackie, I would never look at those
magazines... Unless she's on the phone or went shopping... or took a short nap.

HYDE: Look, Donna... this is just the way guys are. Okay? I mean if Forman was actually dating the "Naughty Campus Coeds"... he'd be locked in a bathroom looking at naked pictures of you.

KELSO: He's right, so...Are there naked pictures of you?

Donna jumps on him

KELSO: Awww...My leg!

HYDE: Hey, knee him in the groin!

KELSO: Oh!

HYDE: Oh, my, God! She did it! Hahahaha!

KELSO: Ooaaaaaahhh!!

FORMAN KITCHEN

Kitty and Hyde sit down at the kitchen table

KITTY: So...how's your cocoa?

HYDE: Chocolaty good. Thanks.

KITTY: That's good 'cause I think your father has really changed. He is not the
same man I used to know and the marshmallows make it extra good.

HYDE: Well, at least you knew him, Mrs. Forman, 'cause I never did.

KITTY: Okay, well, here's your chance. Maybe now you can make some new,
happy memories. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Hyde starts to think. He is on the Forman driveway with his dad. They are working on a car. The engine starts and Hyde and his dad shake hands and cheer. Then they are playing baseball, Hyde hits his dad in the groin. Then a shot of Hyde in his bed, waking up screaming from a nightmare. His dad comes running in with a can of beer in his hand. He gives Hyde the beer.

HYDE: Yeah, you know what, Mrs. Forman? No.

KITTY: Are you sure? 'Cause I kinda think you're bottling things up.

HYDE (shouts) : I'm not bottling anything! (he gets up and leaves)

ERIC's BEDROOM

Eric is laying on his bed and picks up a magazine from under it

ERIC: Well, hi, there, beautiful. And how are you?

SEXY LIBRARIAN: Not good, you dirtbag.

ERIC: That's what I thought you'd...Excuse me?

SEXY LIBRARIAN: I am not going to help you cheat on your girlfriend.

ERIC: But I don't have a girlfriend, you... silly librarian.

SEXY LIBRARIAN: Don't you lie to me. I heard everything. I was right under that mattress... and that Donna sounded really upset.

ERIC: No! No, no. Sh-She's okay. Really.

SEXY LIBRARIAN: Excuse me. My turnoffs include unfaithful men. Didn't you read
my biography?

ERIC: Um...l...You know, I was just getting to it.

SEXY LIBRARIAN: Sorry, but Donna is a nice girl... and you are a...filthy, filthy boy! You filthy, filthy, filthy, filthy... filthy, filthy, filthy, filthy, filthy, filthy boy!

Eric throws the magazine away

THE BAR

Bud is sweeping the floor, Hyde comes bursting through the door

HYDE: Hey! You can't ditch me, then walk back into my life eight years later... and expect everything to be okay. You screwed me!

BUD: I did. You're right. I know.

HYDE: And... You what? You know? What do you mean you know?

BUD: I got no excuse. I was a jerk. I've been a jerk my whole life. And all I can do is tell you I'm sorry... and hope that you'll believe me.

HYDE: You jerk! How am I supposed to yell at you now? I was gonna yell! I was gonna tell you off!

BUD: I think you should. I mean, you wanna yell? Go ahead. I deserve it.

HYDE: You're ju...You're caving? That just makes it worse! Come on, man. Give
me something!

BUD: You want a.....beer?

HYDE: Yeah! Give me a beer!

FORMAN BASEMENT

Kelso and Jackie are watching TV. Fez comes in, wearing tight pants and an open
shirt

FEZ: Well, hello, Jackie.

JACKIE (without looking at him): Hey, Fez.

KELSO: Hey, Fez. Nice ass!

FEZ: Why, thank you, Kelso.

JACKIE: Oh, my God. What the hell's that smell?

FEZ: Well, Jackie, it's a combination of musk... and a little thing I like to call
"Fez." (he leans over to her)

JACKIE: Whoa, Fez! What are you doing?

FEZ: Showing off my joie de vivre. You like?

JACKIE: No!

FEZ: So, what? This was all a waste? The pants, the chest, the manly smell... the
"Jackie, hello, Jackie, Jackie... Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie"...Worthless?

KELSO: Not worthless...Hilarious.

JACKIE: Okay, look, Fez, you're not bad-looking. I mean, some girls like that
exotic, grimy look, but only the cheapest, most sluttiest girls will like that.

FEZ: I see.

Laurie comes down the stairs to get something from the cabinet

LAURIE (looking at Fez): Damn, Fez! Looking good.

FORMAN DRIVEWAY

Hyde and his dad walk up

HYDE: Hey, so, thanks for the singles at the nudie bar, huh.

BUD: Hey, hey, hey! You gotta tip the girls or they ignore ya.

HYDE: Yeah.

BUD: So, they takin' care of you here?

HYDE: Yeah, yeah. It's good. It's great.

BUD: It's a nice place.

HYDE: Oh, yeah.

BUD: That's nice. I like my place too. It's good. It's got an extra room.

HYDE: That's cool.

BUD: Yeah. So, if you ever wanna, you know, come by or whatever. You know?
I'm not usin' the extra room. Hence, the term extra room. Yeah. Yeah, the rent's due, but...they don't evict you for, like, three months... so, I still got... two days.

HYDE: So, you lookin' for a loan, Bud?

FORMAN KITCHEN

Kitty is spying oot of the window, Red is fixing a mixer

KITTY: Well, will ya look at that? A father and son brought together by...Oh, my
goodness! I think it was me!

RED: Don't gloat, Kitty.

KITTY: Mr. Wrongie!

RED: Fine. Once in 26 years! Live it up, Kitty! (he gets up, looks out the window
and sees that Hyde is giving Bud some money) Oh, crap.

ERIC's BEDROOM

Eric has Donna's eyes covered as he leads her into his bedroom

ERIC: Ta-da

DONNA: Wow, Eric. It's a room.

ERIC: Not just any room. See? No more dirty magazines. I threw 'em all out. And you know what, Donna? I don't miss 'em.

DONNA: Eric, you didn't have to do that. I mean, I understand why you need them.

ERIC: You do?

DONNA: Yes! You're disgusting!

ERIC: What?

DONNA: It's okay. All guys are. You're a revolting gender.

ERIC: You know, we really are.

DONNA: But you're disgusting in a cute, harmless way... and I guess I love you
for that.

ERIC: I love you too.

DONNA: Let me make it up to you. I can have a naked girl in here in 10 seconds.

ERIC: Oh, great. Send her in. I'll see you later.

DONNA: Shut up!

FORMAN KITCHEN

Red is waiting at the kitchen table. Hyde walks in with his bags packed

RED: Steven, good. I wanted to have a talk with you. What are you doin'?

BUD: Oh. I'm movin' in with Bud.

RED: You're movin' in with Bud?

HYDE: Yeah, Red. It's gonna be okay.

RED: No, it's not gonna be okay. Steven, your dad is not... good.

HYDE: Yeah. I know, but, you know, he's my dad.

RED: Yeah. He's your dad.

HYDE: Yeah. Anyway. Red, thanks for everything. You know? Really. Hey, do me a favor. Would you tell Mrs. Forman? Cause I don't want to have to deal with the whole crying thing.

RED: You think I do? Nah, I'll just tell her that, you know...Anytime you need a
place to stay, you're welcome here. That'll make her feel better.

HYDE: Yeah. That sounds good. Thanks.

RED (clears throat): Yeah, so, what? You don't wanna hug, do ya?

HYDE (chuckles): God, no.

RED: Good. 'Cause you're not gettin' one.

HYDE: Right.

They hug, and then Steven leaves

END CREDITS

ERIC's BEDROOM

Eric is on his bed, reading a dirty magazine

ERIC: Well, sis-boom-bah.

SEXY CHEERLEADER: Sure this is okay?